SA, I wouldn't tell advise your h that you are going to have your own lawyer review the documents. You need to have your own counsel in this matter because you need someone fighting for you!
If the papers come, accept them and then turn right around and provide them to your lawyer. Allow your lawyer to notify his lawyer and then they can do the negotiating, etc. I would never use the same lawyer for something like this.
No matter what happens, he's not going to be happy, but at this point....do you really care? You, and only you, can protect your family and what you need to do in order to live on comfortably. He's not thinking rationally and you have to be the one to think things through.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
SA, please learn from my mistakes. I tried so hard to do what I thought was the right thing and it hurt me.
Your h is going to get angry no matter what you do. He will want to give you nothing. Anything you ask for will anger him because right now he is a child who wants it all.
You do not owe him any information. He wants the divorce and you have a right to protect yourself. | This is what happens when two people divorce. That's the reality. He has to just accept it.
Do what is best for you. In the end, he is not going to be worried about you. He is incapable of that right now.
SA, I know the feelings you are having. I had them, too.
But,I wish that I would have looked out for me more.
Exactly!! ^^^^^ My plan on Friday is to sit pleasantly with my hands folded in my lap, and let the L do the talking. H knows he has more to lose in a court room than I ever did.
Look out for #1 - and that NOW means YOU.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Thank you for your post. I know how hard earned your words of wisdom are. You know how I feel and the door is always open.
Yes, my H will have to just accept that I will have his proposals checked out by a L. There are red flags that I spot and I wonder how many more there are covered by legal jargon. The man I used to know would not have even tried to pull this crap. His family WAS the most important aspect of his life.
Hang in there Punkin! I have no doubt you'll get through this in the best possible way for what it is.
Being #1 is foreign to me. Once I meet with the L today hopefully it it will feel less that way. If the L validates that what H is doing is not fair, I will do what I can to remedy that.
Seeking, you said above, 'Let the games begin'. Make no mistake. This is a Roman game. The lawyers are tigers, your H is a gladiator, and you are the Christian. It's playing for keeps. Hope today went well, and your L was able to give you some peace of mind. ((HUGS))
