Hey thanks eveybody the papers will be in the mail tomorrow.
Update Alert>>>>>>>>>>
W send me a text at midnight and asked if I was still awake, about 45 minutes later I replied. M “Yep. Was up?” W “Was going to call u for a min. Are you drunk?” M “lol no you can call. Are you drunk?” W “ no” M “everything ok?”
Then she called. W “what are you doing?
M “driving back from JC. Roads are ice so I’m driving 5mph”
W “you shouldn’t be talking.”
We talked for about 30 minutes about her job and how much she hates it. How she loves her apartment but can’t wait to quit her job and take the INS job. Then she says “I want to ask you a question and I want your honest answers” M “ok” W “do these conversation give you some kind of hope. Cause I don’t mind talking to you but I don’t want you to have any kind of hope” M “Nah I think what has been decided has been decided” W “ that’s not an answer” M “ No they don’t. You’ll have your papers any day now” So now the conversation really begins
M “while we are on the subject let me ask you a question”
W “OK”
M “ do you ever feel just maybe we are making a mistake”
W “ I don’t know. Sometimes I get nostalgic sure but then I remember why I left and that gives me strength”
M “I understand that”
W “this always happens.”
M “we can stop the conversation right now if you like. I was simply asking a question since you asked”
W “ I have days when I am angry and want to punch everyone in the face. I have days when I am fine. I have days when I want to cry and I have days I feel nostalgic. But I don’t think we are making the wrong decision. At some point we have to move on.”
M “Oh I agree. I was just curious”
W “The way we were treating each other was not right. You stopped caring long before I did. You stopped hearing me years ago. Yeah you had your good days but you always followed it up by being mean for an entire week. After awhile that wears on you. I think now we don’t even want the same things in life. You want trips to Europe and a nice car and we don’t even have the same dreams or desires. We are two different people. I was happy with a small house and a road trip to KY but you always want big. I am simple. We just don’t have the same vision”
M “I can see how I made you feel that way. It’s funny how I portrayed that image to you. My desire to go to Europe was so that you can see it, I’ve been there already. I guess I really just stopped showing you how I cared for you, or I showed u in a way that you were not feeling”
W “you stopped caring, you stopped being nice. My opinions didn’t matter to you anymore. I fought like hell and there was a time I was madly in love with you. I would of done anything for you. But you didn’t care for me. I tried telling you I tried screaming at you and nothing worked. In public we were the couple everybody wanted to be. Sure. Because if I didn’t act happy you would have a fit when we got home.”
M “ I see how I made you feel that way. I don’t think our values really changed I think what changed was my inability to show you that I cared and that I loved you. I failed at really doing the things that mattered to you because I thought that the same things that mattered to you also mattered to you. It’s funny how most M end within the 7-10 yr mark. I guess at that point is when people lose those butterflies and really start to see the partner for what they are. It begins with small things and then it just escalates until we can’t stand each other anymore. I am curious though. What about those marriages that make it to 15,20, even 30 years. What do they know that we didn’t?
W “They learned to respect each other and listen to each other they weren’t mean. Everything I did was wrong to you with D then you throw in your mother. I have to learn from this so I don’t allow anyone to ever treat me this way again. You think we can make it work; but you have to realize that that I don’t. I can’t go back to feeling that way again. I can’t allow you to treat me that way again. I could never allow D to be hurt that way again. We even have different values on how to raise D”
M “Oh I agree. Getting back together and repeating the same thing over and over is a recipe for disaster. I could never allow myself to repeat that not with you not with anybody. I believe the couples that make it are the ones who chose to make it. Those are the ones that have walked this path and have seen three options. Accept their fate to be miserable. Divorce, or roll up their sleeves and get to work on their marriage”
W “I did roll up my sleeves you were just absent. Now you want to do all the work but I can’t. I tried H I really did. I just can’t allow myself to get hurt that way again”
M “I know I agree with you. You must of felt very uncomfortable and that is something I regret. It’s funny I feel as if I know you better now than I ever did. I get it. I understand you even though we are apart I understand you much better than I ever did. I guess sometimes it takes a really big blow to actually learn the lesson.”
W “You sound deflated”
M “LOL nah not really”
W “ Well it’s getting late I will call you tomorrow night to let you know about my schedule for the session. I don’t mind if you’re on the call. “
M “ok goodnight”
We spoke for a little over an hour I even read a page from the 5 Love Languages about loving someone being a choice and that is why I have chosen not to be angry. Anyways it was a lot and I am sorry it was so long. I am sure you guys will dissect the conversation and I am sure I made a lot of mistakes here. Sometimes she gives me an opening and I take it. At some point I have to stop the agreeing and give her a different perspective.
