I am 32, and my H is 28. We have been together for 8 years. Been married for 4.6 years. Everything was great in the beginning. We even had a long-distanced relationship for 1.5 years before we got married. It was tough but we managed to make it through.
I have to admit that the first 2 years of our marriage was the most darkest. We've been through his infidelity in the second year of our marriage (We lived in different states because of my job). Then he wanted to break up 2 times in recent 2 years. This time is the 3rd time!
He always tried to break up when I am away from home. This time he did it when I am 6000 miles away visiting my family. The plan was for me to come to my home country for 3 weeks, and then he would fly in to spend 2 weeks with me and my family before we go back to the US. Everything was great before I left. I was so happy and convinced that year 2011 was going to be wonderful for us. Then at the end of 2nd week into my family visitation, we had a little argument over his drinking on the phone. I didn't think it was a big deal but he took the opportunity to get very mad and not answering his phone for 4 days. He then decided not to come to see me and wanted to break up, which I learned that from his parents, not him, because he wouldn't answer his phone for 4 days.
Before, I would go right to him no matter where i was. I would cry, beg him, and try to do everything to win his heart back. This time, I am so far, far away. And I am honestly a bit tired of him wanting to break up like this. Most of all, I really don't know what else I can do anymore. So, I have stopped calling him because I don't want to hear him say hurtful things. I then wrote him an email to tell him that "He is free" and asked him not to contact me if he wants to express his feelings about the whole situation.
I feel that I have given everything he's ever wanted, more freedom to go out (I rarely tell him not to go out), more along time, and better sex life. I do not ask much of him. The only two things that concerns me are his drinking and spending. I have helped him stop using credit cards. He learned to be more responsible when it comes to spending. But drinking, I can't help at all. I just thought that it's a little bit unusual for one to drink so often but he said he's stressed out and drinking helps him relax. He gets very defensive when I address his drinking, which have become the only reason for our fighting.
Here's what have happened in the past 3 years of our marriage:
May 2008 - We lived in different states. I went back for his graduation and caught him cheating. We decided to stay together and work on our relationship. August 2009 - Prior to this break-up, he moved back to home state for a new job. He was going to come get me when eveything was settled. But when it's time for me to move back, he told me that he felt I'd be happier without him, he's not happy with our sex life, and he got married too young, and he wanted to be single. Sept. 2010 - We live together. He told me he's confused and asked if I still wanted to be with him. Jan. 2011 - I am 6000 miles away. We had a little argument on 1/20 on the phone. Than I leaned from is parents that he wanted to break up. I then sent him an email on 1/28 to tell him he is "free". Haven't had any contact whatsoever till this date since 1/24.
I am very heart-broken and confused. I am not sure anymore if this marriage is salvageable, though I really love him deeply. I feel I'm the only one that's making all the effort to pull us together. So, I don't even know what else I can do for him to make him happy, if he thinks leaving me is the only way to be happy. I don't know what I should do: make up or break up? He would be very great with me and drop the bomb all of a sudden. So I really don't know if I can have him back to love me and never want to leave again. And I don't know if the "you are free" email I wrote him would backfire on me. I am still in my home country. I don't want to be in a bad shape when I go back to the US in a few weeks. I don't want to cry or beg. I don't want to apologize because I am never the one that wants to give up the marriage.
So, so, so confused and don't know what to do.... I'd appreciate any input from you....thank you....
