I know you know what you are talking about but I have given the ultimatum and/or walked out the door too many times in the past for it to have any effect.
you notice the above post of a letter I wrote in 1993? I had already broken up with him once before that letter for various reasons (his drinking being one of them) after that letter? I know that I had broken it off with him in 1994...he showed change and was trying..being more involved etc..but of course it didn't stick and then at least two other times I broke up with him...don't know why I kept believing in the changes but I did..maybe I just wanted to believe.
truth is imp..I don't know what to think...I made the choice to stay with him all these years dispite the fact that I wasn't thrilled with the r...I made the choice to marry him...I had the opportunity to back out just before and didn't take it (mil issue long story)
so you see imp, an ultimatum just wont work with him...he wont change and he also wont leave...unless of course I decide to have him court ordered out of the house etc..is that really what I want??? nope..so why make it ugly? we both certainly know how to be ugly toward eachother...and let's not forget h is self employed...all that nice $ that he was offering when he wanted the d....would suddenly dissapear..is that reason enough?? no but it is something to consider...
Maybe it is just me imp, maybe h is a great guy, maybe he is fun and energetic and loving...maybe h just doesn't have those feelings for me but didn't know how to get rid of me and when he finally had the nerve to go he messed it all up by getting involved with another woman and of course waited too long cause then there were kids to consider and not just a parting of ways.
I don't know what will happen imp but I don't think I can give any more ultimatums..sorry to say that this is just the way it's going to be...so ya maybe some day h will have the shock of his life find himself with a waw...do you think he'll care? NOPE...do you think you'll find him in a book store or c's office or on some bb? NOPE....about his merry way he'll go..his concern will be the money and the kids and I will be the horrible woman who gave up on her h.
You know you are impossible. Reminds me of someone else I know!!!
Also, an ultimatum, by the nature of the term, means that consequences follow. You have nagged not given an ultimatum.
Quote: I don't know what will happen imp but I don't think I can give any more ultimatums..sorry to say that this is just the way it's going to be...so ya maybe some day h will have the shock of his life find himself with a waw...do you think he'll care?
You bet he will care!!!
I have given basically two alternative. One is to give a true ultimatum - "if things don't change, you have to go" followed by action on your part. The second is that you stop complaining because you have decided to accept the situation as it is. You have said that you have tried everything in between. And have yopu found the book I suggested, it could help with option 2.
thanx imp! I'll pick it up before christmas...gotta stop by b&n to get a book for dad anyway.
toodles off to the movies and to see christmas lights with the kiddos and some of the in-laws...they demanded that h meet up with us at some point in the afternoon so he'll be there too.
