As the Bolt Turns

[Bolt]

Funny how fast a thread can get so big.
Check out the first part here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2125911&page=1


Denver, great insight! I'm checking out your sitch and you do have a great outlook. Keep it up!

Small updates. Guys, do stay positive; it will bring huge rewards.

I picked up W and Ds at Brownies - I looked like the knight in shining armor to the other moms (pretty funny). I made sure to take everything for my W. She's still a little sick so I let her go while I took care of everything.

Dinner was nearly complete and she surprised me by coming downstairs. I thought for sure she was done for the night.

She pulled me close and said, "Thanks for doing this." I said it was no problem. It's what I do. She returned, "Still" and planted a big kiss on me.

That hasn't happened in so long. I didn't want to let go.

BUT I stayed strong, enjoyed the moment and let her go on her way.

In a weird way, I feel that letting her have her time is what gets me points in the future. Why o WHY didn't I learn this earlier?

[wanda15]

Good for you Bolt! Keep smiling.You are making great progress.

[FellOnBlackDays]

Nice job, my man. You are an inspiration to us all. Keep it up. And, please keep the positive posts coming. It is really nice to read about those who are winning this awful battle we are all in!!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[grr]

how lovely for you both to have that moment

keep doing what you're doing

sleep well tonight

[zengypsy]

How cool Bolt. Cheers to you - keep up the fab work - you keep us all hopeful.

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Bolt for the words of encouragement on my thread. It is really helpful to be able to throw my feelings out there to people who understand and receive encouraging and helpful feedback.

BITS
Denver

[Bolt]

Heyall, I'm not going anywhere for a while for sure. It's a long process and we all need encouragement from each other.

I will say, give your spouse the thing they are looking for. ESPECIALLY if she isn't asking for it.

It will pay you back more than you can imagine.

Last night, I gave the W tons of space. She wasn't feeling well and she really just wanted to chill by herself. Old Bolt would have tried to "solve" her problem by being around too much, thinking I was helping.

By giving her space, I knew that she would be more receptive the next day.

I didn't have to wait that long.

I slipped into bed around 9:30 (hey, I'm getting old), and she instantly rolled over and put her arm around me. This hasn't happened in some time - definitely not without me asking first. The coolest part is we both fell asleep that way.

The best sleep I've had in a long time.

This morning she reassured me that things were really looking good for us. She even told me that she felt that I've been neglecting my own writing work and encouraged me to get back on that horse.

All I can say to that is Wow!

It gave me so much desire and gumption to continue with my life's work - both personal and relationally.

everyone, please put in the time to make the R work for the VERY least yourself. If you do that, your spouse will see that and maybe - just maybe - be more interested in you than before.

Like I said, I'm not going anywhere.

[2stepboogie]

Chapter 1 of a real success story. I am so happy for you BOLT! I pray it continues.

[grr]

excellent work my friend, i love that this is happening for you both

just remember to pay attention and if you see yourself falling back on the same habits, come back here for a butt kicking

xoxo

[Bolt]

whoa - avoided a little setback today for sure.
W went to C for her bi-weekly meeting. We had a great today leading up to it. I let her be and she was around as much as she could.

When she got back, things were a little different. Damn C!!!

I let her mention what was going on. She said that she had to work through some of her own issues and that she wasn't sure how she felt. I asked her to clarify and she said she doesn't know how she felt.

I then asked, "about us or about you?" She said she didn't know.

Now, I don't know about everyone else out there but that hit me in the gut. We are planning to move across country - signing the lease tomorrow and I thought, Ummm...does she not want to try and work this out?

Then we argued about me misinterpreting things. It didn't get heated because we are pretty good about not pushing each other's buttons but it was a spat nonetheless.

I had to come out and say, "If you are unsure about this relationship, I'm not ready to move across the country."

Did it sound like an ultimatum? Heck yeah it WAS one. I needed a commitment and that didn't seem like one.

After a few tears, she said, "Isn't me NOT leaving enough of a commitment?"

I had to think about that because my gut was saying, "Don't do me any favors. You should WANT to be back here."

BUT I didn't let my gut rule. I agreed. I said that I've been insecure in this R for the first time IN our R. This is all new and I didn't want to move, basically abandon my career (it's in LA and LA alone, basically) with a S that isn't sure.

Glad we talked it out and things seemed to end on a good note.

I got an email from her about an hour later. The C told her to do that so she could communicate without my interference. I have a pretty good way with words and sometimes she feels inferior to me (I have no idea why but she does - I have NEVER been condescending to her - at least in my mind).

The email reaffirmed that she thought that we still had problems communicating. I totally understand that and didn't expect things to be fixed overnight. I guess the problem that I have is that I have to be patient about her changing but she thinks I can be perfect all of the time? (Just venting to you guys about that line)

I did want to share a line that I think I know how to take but wanted your take:
I don't know when I will feel enough to say I love you to you or really kiss you. I'm finally acknowledging my hurt and anger. Let me work through this. All I have are those feelings. I need time to get to the good feelings. I don't know how long this will take. But it will take time.

I look at it as a good thing in that we both acknowledge what we both want. It will just take time.

Anyone else??