I know this is hard on you; and you've been in my thoughts and prayers.
I realize you're also doing the best you can with the hand you've been dealt...it's NOT easy to find out your husband is not finished with the crisis..and that brings on fears of its own that must be overcome by you before you can get back to the basics once again, standing firm on the belief that God has everything in control.
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I am giving him space. No R talk, no ILY. I am acting like myself and doing things that need to be done. What am I missing, it has been a while.....
So far, you're still trying to adjust to the shock; and you're deeply worried about what might happen going forward.
Don't worry so much; things will be ok regardless of what happens in the future; there's nothing you can do for him; again, you didn't break him, neither can you fix him.
You will bounce back once again; finding your way more easily, than the first time.
In the meantime; get your focus OFF what he's doing; and simply get on with your life, keeping your boundaries firm, NO "R" talks or pushing him; get back to that point, you were there, before and you will get there again.
You do know the drill; let him go, let God work on him, get on with your life...in the meantime, keep us posted on what goes on; and whatever you do; don't confront him or tell him what you're seeing.
I know you're NOT doing this; but no snooping, either to find out what he's doing; does no good, and adds to your stress.
I sincerely believe he will come to you when it is time, and not before...he must finish this on his own...and you have to allow him the space and time to come through.
(((((((Yellow Rose))))))
Much love to you, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
HB I am doing the best I can, given the circumstances. He decided tonight to sleep on the couch. I just said okay, goodnight.
You know it was if he left the paper on the counter so I would see it.
I am letting him go, if he moves out it will be heartbreaking but there is nothing I can do. I love him so much and right now for him he doesnt care. Those dead eyes are returning and that is scary.
Thanks for the hugs and prayers. I am leaving it in Gods hands.
YR - of course he left the paper on the counter so you could see it. It is his outer child acting up, if you like. He is trying to get a rise from 'mom'. You aren't his mom.
Please, do what what Jack said and go back to basics: MLC 101. It may or may not be a repeat performance. I suspect your h is testing you, and you sound desperate to keep him. He will pick this up in your body language. Try to see this is something he HAS to do, unfinished business . Everyone who has been through this is telling you the same thing regardless of whether their marriage was restored, or they learned to live beyond the MLC. You managed fine alone, and if necessary you can do it again, Doesn't mean you want to, but you can.
You don't want this, but it isn't within our wanting, unfortunately. Maybe you too have more to process, dear YR. Please leave it to the man upstairs. There is so much support on these boards, it is wonderful. Hugs.
YR, you are right, you are doing VERY well giving the circumstances. I could never imagine going through this BS again. No one is perfect, so of course there will be slip ups here and there. It stinks what you are having to deal with again, but you will survive because you are a strong woman. Please just remember to take care of yourself in all of this. ((((((hugs)))))
YR forgive me, I did not want to imply any criticism. I was agreeing with the old pro, Jack, that when you have been out of dealing with it [and I am glad you have] coming back to the dead eyes, and other behviours is desperately upsetting. You know what it is like the first time, and I imagine in some ways it is een worse the second.
You did so well last time, and you will do well again. We are here for you. No 2x4s. I would not upset ou for the worlds.
