BA - Yes, it's true, at 54 myself I would prefer a guy whose kids are grown (my three are in college). In fact, that was a nice thing about the boyfriend I did have - his kids were 30 and 32 and they liked me very much (I am still good friends with them.)
I would consider a guy with teenagers (both because I like teens and I know they'll be gone in a few years) but I am surprised by how many men my age have little children. I like kids but I'm really not interested in getting back into that parenting mode right now. (My best friend, who is two years younger but has a 9 year old, has the opposite problem).
I wouldn't feel put out by women who don't feel the "spark". It is a numbers game, meeting someone online is very artificial, I expect to meet many men before I encounter that same "spark" that I had with the ex-boyfriend. But it is a real thing and worth waiting for.
Yes I'll admit I am looking for a man that I find attractive. But my definition of attractive would not be the same as another woman's. I like tall men - my best friend thinks they are "too tall". I like men with strong noses - even very large ones - and am not attracted to Brad-Pitt-type pretty boys. I don't mind gray hair, just Santa Claus gray beards on chubby faces. And self-confidence looks good on everyone.
After all, if I choose to accept one of these young guys, it would obviously just be with the intention of a fling on my part too. I'm not saying I'm going to - but I think I am starting to understand it a little. I'm at a point in my life where I could appreciate the fun in a little sexual fling - and they, or course, are at a point in their lives where that's all they want!
I've experienced it too. I had a fling with a 27 year old last summer. At the time all I could do was wonder why?! But I certainly didn't ask. He was in my town for about a month for his job and probably wanted a no drama fling and figured an older woman was better than a younger one who would want a real relationship. I took it for what it was......a lot of fun with an expiration date. I could never have had a real relationship with him, he was only 5 years older than my oldest child! LOL (Which did weird me out a little.) He didn't want anything from me, just to have fun together.....and it was definitely fun!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I understand where you are coming from regarding the kid thing - don't get me wrong. I just throw it out there as one reason why dating women my age hasn't worked out so well. Most of the 50+ year-old women I have contacted are done with the kids at home thing and want a partner who is at the same stage which is understandable.
Interestingly enough, the one woman my age I did date and had a child still at home cornered me after our 4th date and wanted to know "where we were at" in this relationship! Sorry but after 4 dates that's a little quick for my taste. She had red flags earlier than that in she was itching for me to meet her daughter as well which I was uncomfortable with because I felt like I shouldn't be coming into this child's life until I was sure she and I had a chance at a long term relationship. She was also very "aggressive" in pushing the levels of intimacy than I was comfortable with. Don't get me wrong I love showing affection but I'm not a "this is the third date so we should sleep together" type of person. Who knows maybe I'm missing out on things in life.
Finally, I like most people also would like to have an attractive partner, but in my opinion it just seems many of the women I have reached out to, who I consider are in the same "league" as me looks wise, have unrealistic expectations out there. It's almost like they feel like this is their opportunity to score their Mr. tall dark and handsome and us average Joes or even above average Joes need not apply.
If nothing else, online dating provides plenty of "experiences" to talk about that is for sure. I wish everyone the best!
We went out to dinner a few times, then to a local bar that has music and dancing. A few times we just met at the bar. That is where I met him, and it is where i like to go to hang out with my friends. He met me when I wass with my friends and became one of the gang, so we had fun just hanging out and dancing. He was a much better dancer than most men my age! LOL
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Suzy - your friends didn't give you any grief over dating a much younger man?
BA - I just don't take it too personally, if I write to a guy who I think is attractive and he blows me off. Maybe he didn't think I was pretty enough for him - or maybe I reminded him of his ex, or maybe he noticed we are politically incompatible, or maybe he wants to have more kids and is looking for someone fertile - who knows? I get lots of people contacting me whom I pass over for similar, maybe sometimes nonsensical reasons. (I find myself avoiding surfers, even though they are usually buff, because my ex was one). Sometimes it is just instinct. Instinct served me well when it came to the last boyfriend, I think I'll trust it.
Also, some interesting comments from friends lately. My best friend stated that she didn't want to date guys that were "too handsome". And when I was discussing with my ex-boyfriend the possibility of me dating one of these younger guys (yes, we have that kind of friendship, weird, I know) he said he didn't want anyone under 50 to see his naked body these days.
I guess I'm not as self-conscious. Sure, I have spider veins and cellulite and crows feet. Heck, I'm 54! My pictures are not misleading. If a young guy wants to sleep with me and finds that stuff a turn-off, it's not MY problem - heck, it was HIS idea, right???
Get this...today this guy writes a note on FB. Says he finds me attractive and wants to get to know me. His pic shows an attractive guy who is attached to the military. When I went to his info this guy is in his 70's and lives in some retirement community in AZ!!! He also said his name was something totally different than what his profile said.
Why did trying to back out there get so hard?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Lol - lots of guys post much younger pictures of themselves (some of the women do too, I'm told). I usually ask if their pics are current, and if not, would they send a current one.
Lol - and I did make one young guy show me his ID on Skype to prove he was over 21!!
"Suzy - your friends didn't give you any grief over dating a much younger man?"
Grief...no. But they teased me a little....said they were going to keep me away from their sons! LOL Actually, when I met him, he was coming on to me and I turned him down, said he was too young....my friends said "go for it...he's just asking you out, not to marry him!"
"I guess I'm not as self-conscious. Sure, I have spider veins and cellulite and crows feet. Heck, I'm 54! My pictures are not misleading. If a young guy wants to sleep with me and finds that stuff a turn-off, it's not MY problem - heck, it was HIS idea, right???" When I was with the younger guy it was definiterly lights out! LOL I am a little self concious because I know I need to lose some weight, so I was more comfortable in the dark!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
