Living Like Roomates 2

[Gnosis]

Gnosis, I like your posts to Punchy, they are vey direct in giving advice. I have a similar sitch, except for gender reversal.

Thanks Angel. There are some similarities in approach for both genders however I'm of the belief that women and men are NOT equal and the approaches to both cannot be the same. In my earlier posts I gave a lot of advice to women that helped them. If you click on my name and then click "View posts" you can access them. Go to the very early posts.

I like the 4C's. They are good guide for how I should approach each and every day going forward.

The 4C's would probably be my "trademark" on this board. I've never explained to anyone why I chose them. Everyone is used to hearing "Cool, calm and collected" but the last one is also important.

Here's my breakdown on WHY:

1) Keeping your cool prevents you from losing your temper and being pulled into fruitless arguments.

2) Staying calm under the pressure of WAS spew causes the WAS to calm down too. It takes the spark away from the gasoline.

3) Keeping yourself collected prevents your spouse from provoking you and shows them that they can no longer influence/manipulate you. i.e. You no longer REACT to situations.

4) Be confident in yourself. You have the tools, you have the strength to get through this. Even if you don't feel it, you do. Showing confidence nullifies fear.

This "fear" thing is a real bitch

That, sir, is the understatement of the millennium. Fear of your spouse and their reaction cripples your DB'ing efforts.

DB'ing aside, fear cripples you and your ability to live your life in EVERY aspect: business, friendships, career... EVERYTHING. When you allow yourself to be controlled by it, you lose. Make no mistake, fear is a good thing too. It shows you your weaknesses if you take time to recognize it for what it is.

The advantage of knowing your fear is that you now have an opportunity to conquer it. It's not easy to do this. It takes practice and consistent effort. The best example I can think of this is when you were a youngster and wanted to ride a bike. You had that fear of falling off... but you persisted. Sure you had a parent or someone there to reassure you, but at the end of the day you learned to ride your bike because you conquered your fear of falling off the bike.