A slow turn

[Bolt]

Please talk me off the ledge.
Nothing bad but I'm having one of those impatient days and NEED to keep it inside.

I feel like it's one step forward and 2 steps back and it's ALL IN MY HEAD.

I don't want instant reconciliation but a little attention? I can't remember who said it here but they said that it's so hard to fathom how someone with whom you've spent 17 years of your life with, suddenly (and seemingly without warning) doesn't want to touch you or kiss you.

My W and I are on the right track but I'm afraid that it isn't enough for me. I'm terribly afraid of backsliding BUT I can't help thinking, is this REALLY what I want? If it takes forever for her to simply give me a kiss without me asking, how am I going to make it?

I know I sound like a whiny B#tch but I have to vent somewhere to some peeps who understand the pain and the confusion.

I know this is minor but hear me out on this. I have to be online tuesday and wednesday mornings from 8-9am. We were planning on a lunch date today. I get out of my office at 9ish to find her not here. No note. No text. This girl is a textaholic and I KNOW she's texting someone. Am I that unimportant that she can't tell me where she's going? I don't need a play by play but when I assumed she was going to be here, she should have the common respect to let me know.

Seriously, it's times like these that really make me wonder if this is all worth it? I'm beginning to feel like that scene in What Dreams May Come. You know, the OK movie with Robin Williams in it? The one where his wife commits suicide and ends up in hell? Remember the part when he goes to hell to find her to bring her back - he waits a very long time with her to bring her back. But it's too late. She turns and wants to come back but he's already turned to bad.

That's where I feel I'm heading. I'm doing everything right (except patience??) Just how much can one take?

Guys, don't think that being on this side is any easier...it's not.

Just looking for some advice and an arm to pull me back off the ledge.