Looking back over my previous post, I see that I "conveniently" forgot to mention that my insecurity drives her crazy.
My "story" has been that it is hard to feel secure when your wife removes her ring, tells you she wants a divorce, and says she is not committed.
But I realize that's just a cover up. That's just something I was telling myself to feel better.
The truth is I am often insecure and try to hide it in many different ways. No doubt that makes me appear unnatural, forced, unreliable, dispassionate, disconnected, weak, false, limp...yuck.
Read a tagline in somebody's post the other day that said I would rather be loathed for being who I am, than loved for being someone I am not.
I have tried to force and fake things with my wife in the past. That has not served either of us and has contributed to the challenges we have right now.
However, for the most part I am DBing very well and am optimistic about our chances. The stories I am telling myself about being weak, undeserving, unlovable, unreliable...it is all completely false.
What's true is I'm an amazing catch, and right now I am proving myself to be more committed to our marriage than my wife.
Today I have a coaching call with DBing coach Laurie, and then another one set up with Laurie and my wife on Friday, so we'll see where that leads.
Meanwhile, here's part of what we texted to each other late last night...
SHE: We don't have the passion and chemistry that I desire want and need, regardless of why.
ME: Do you feel we had it in Cancun (we were there together a couple of weeks ago)
SHE: No not like I'd like to. Closer than in the past but still not natural.
I know my wife wants quality time together. I know she wants a man who can take care of her physically and financially. I know she wants missionary style orgasms
In our four years together I have done a very poor job of providing these things to her. What I have done instead, is contributed to her own feelings of fear and doubt and insecurity.
It's no wonder she is now saying it doesn't feel like it is right or natural for us to be together.
This is simply a snapshot of where we are at right now. The past does not equal the future. Unless we continually focus on it.
I am doing an awesome job DBing.
Keep up the good work. Continue validating yourself and believing in yourself even when you stand alone.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
