Last week, I sat my wife down and read her a very heartfelt letter. I told her that I knew of the affair. I told her that I loved her, but there were only two options. She could either end the affair today and stop all contact. If this path is chosen, there would be a significant period of reconciliation, forgiveness, and trust rebuilding. If she chose to continue the affair, divorce would be in our near future. Neither of us come from a product of divorce and have both been very against it.
She said that she was very confused and in therapy specifically to address her sexual orientation issues as well as to break it to me and her parents at some point. She said that she could not accept my demands in my letter at this time, because she still has so much to work out on her end with her therapist.
She contacted her therapist that evening who suggested that she break all contact with OW, which I am trusting my wife has done. She has moved in with her brother who lives just down the street. We have been very positive as far as co-parenting our son, and we have been working out times where we each get to care for him.
We are both in individual therapy at the moment, and my wife has agreed to continue with our couples therapy which I am thankful for. Our communication has been very good, since this became public. If this was a hetero affair, I would have no question that we could save this. Since there are a ton of sexual orientation questions my wife is working out, it adds a whole other layer of complexity.
I talked to my wife about the two possible outcomes that we will have to workout over time. 1) We work hard through he reconciliation piece concerning the affair. Through therapy and self discovery, she recognizes that she is not a lesbian, and her feelings for women was just a wave in her desires. We work hard to improve our marriage and for me to discover how to fulfill some of the emotional needs that were lacking. 2) We work hard through he reconciliation piece concerning the affair. Through therapy and self discovery, she recognizes that she is in fact a lesbian. We divorce, but we work very hard to stay focused on bringing our son up in a positive environment with two split parents that get along very well and are active in his upbringing.
I think both scenarios start the same with lots of open and honest communication and healing. There will be a fork in the road at some point. I guess time will tell how things end up.
Anybody out there have any experience with same sex affairs? Any advice?
