Newbie post What to do now

[JustStunned]

Yesterday W stopped at the house. I was shoveling snow out of the driveway and she granted me a ride to the house with her. It is a long driveway. She brought over cat food as I had agreed to continue to feed the outside cats. I had already purchased a bag. When I told her I had she did not seem surprised. She gave me a check for half of the property taxes. When she took half of our savings she took most of the property taxes. I told her I would need her to provide half of the taxes and she agreed. She asked if I understood the terms her L has communicated to my L are negotiating points. I told her I did and asked if she understood pursing the D this way was moving it out of an amiable disillusionment and more into confrontation through our Ls. I told her I preferred to work something else out. She asked what. I told her I did not think she was ready to discuss alternatives. She pressed and I got stupid. My C had been coaching me to bring up exploring if we could have a different relationship than the one she is running from. So I asked if she would be open to discussing it. She said you’re right I am not ready to talk about that. I wanted her to know the door was ajar when she is ready to talk about it. Did I make a huge mistake here?

Through this whole encounter she had this odd grin. She seems almost giddy about the effect she is having. This is not the way W normally presents herself, especially in sitch that are stressful. She is under stress the tension in her body language is apparent. Who is this person? She is behaving more like a child taking delight in the chaos she is sewing than the women I have spent the last 30 yrs with.

I told her about joining an archery league, and CC skiing. She dismissed these, so I will continue to provide examples when I am capable of being happy since she left.

I did set a boundary telling her she should not be in the house when I am not there. She has removed items she thinks are hers. Silver and pewter dishes we shopped at antique stores for and such. I would agree these are things that she could have as part of the D, but I wonder what else is missing. She wants to move larger items next week as she is taking a week off between job changes. I told her I had been advised these were items we purchased as a couple and they should not be removed from the house until after we had agreed and listed them. This is becoming more adversarial. This is not what I want, but it seems as if I am pushed this way. I have to try and come out of this with as little damage as possible, but I am already scarred. So do I change the locks before next week?

How do I DB while W pushes hard for the D. It seems like she is afraid of haveing second thoughts and must push as rapidly as possible to her freedom. I am afraid before this is all over I will hate her for the position she is pushing the family into. Today is a low day. Thanks for listening.