Don't know what to think..

[Very Confused]

I am new here and had the bomb dropped on me 1/25/11. My husband (33) and I (35) have been together for 5 years, married for 3. This is my 2nd M, his 1st. We initially started our relationship as friends, bonding over our trying childhoods.

I thought everything was going great with my marriage. My husband has threatened D on a couple of occasions during heated fights, the last being in April 2010. Every time we would have that fight, he would call me the next day after he cooled down and would have a "change of heart" and want to work things out. This time is not like that at all. He got upset at me initially because he was going out of town that weekend to a bachelor party. I was trying to set boundaries, as he likes to go places he says he isn't going to go, and then casually mentions it in a text message while I am at work. I cannot deal with things like this at work because I am a neonatal intensive care RN..very intense and stressful job. I work 6:30pm to 7am, Friday/Sat/Sun. I do believe that this schedule has been a catalyst to our degrading relationship. We never spend time together and I admit that I have played a part in our "separate" lives under the same roof.

Well, after I tried to set boundaries, he got really upset and started yelling about how unhappy he was with me, how he loved me but was not in love with me, we weren't meant to be together, and he no longer wanted to be married to me. He also notified me that he would be seeking a D and would be moving out of our home when our current lease is up on 3/31. I of course did all the wrong things, crying, begging, pleading, guilt tripping--all this worked before and he would change his mind. He said he "wasn't going to give in to me this time" and nothing would change his mind. He stated he needed to be alone and do soul searching to figure out what he wants to do with his life and I was not to be a part of it.

The thing that confuses me the most is that he is still calling me, texting me, we sleep in the same bed..everything seems the same EXCEPT he no longer tells me he loves me and refused to ML to me. I talked with my DB coach yesterday and she feels that he is having an early MLC or personal identity crisis. I DB'd a few nights ago and followed what Michelle says when dealing with the MLC spouse and I got a very positive response. My DB coach also stated that she feels like there is a lot of hope for my marriage. He did say that he would continue to wear his wedding ring and if he ever remarried, it would be to me. I don't understand this at all!?? I realize that my communication techniques have been severely lacking and I feel hopeful that I can turn this around if he gives me the chance.

H stated that he needs to work through his issues, but will not attend MC with me. My DB coach also told me that I need to let him go, but I don't want to! This is so hard. I just want him to wake up and snap out of it, but I know it's not that easy and I have a very long road ahead of me. I am willing to wait for him and fight for our marriage, but H is telling me once he leaves, he never wants to talk to me again..that it wouldn't be fair to give me "false hope". But why keep the ring on? I am so confused and I hope that someone with some insight and experience can help.