Seeking, me-45,w-44 sorry for scattered writing. I tend to just glide along in life anymore after my MLC. I feel life takes you places and if you let it answers do come. sometimes its onger than we want it to be. No I never medicated. I chose self help books and meditation and introspection. I can tell you the demons eventually came out and I know this from the bottom of my soul. I will say in the middle of my MLC I would get everyday(and that was a struggle)but would look in the mirror and not recognize myself. the alien reference is great because that is how it felt. I did not know me, despised myself, loated myself. there was nothing for me let alone anybody else. it was a struggle to get through a day. I tried to start journeling in the middle but was too dispressed and stopped after 2 months. I reread what i wrote during that time. A confused jumbled mess is what it was.
Yes, I know what demons were causing this and I have forgiven them all which was my way out. I asked myself to forgive but it was well into the MLC that it started to turn.
Thanks for support Seeking. your are right 1 1/2 years is not a long time . I have been weak lately and I know this.
I have read the books and been on this forum as a watcher and poster on newcomers. I have DB'd and I have GAL.
I actually have a pretty decent grid of people.
What do I want? I want a relationship with my wife. But CAt you don't always get what you want in life. I did not want an MLC but I got one. Did it turn out ok? For me personally the internal growth from it is incredible but at the same time it caused some distance between my wife and I. She started to resent the peacefulness I think. She stated this as well.
You can want something in this life and it may not be best for your path. Things really do change with everyone, through everyone. So, I want my wife but not as she is. Nobody would really want an MLC'er if that got in there mind. Its a confusing utter mess. What you want is a better person to come out the other side. Thats the issue, you can stand but there are no garauntees.At this point I am standing. I use the techniques I learned and they do work. They help diffuse the situation.
You say you have been through an MLC. I don't doubt you , as only you know your path...
I saw what you want....
I'm just trying to see what your focus is on right now.
Correct me if I am wrong, I just see your focus being on the past, and what could have been if you wouldn't have gone through your MLC.
I understand that this was a very difficult time in your life, and I guess I'm having a hard time seeing a lot of internal healing that leads to taking steps forward for you.
That maybe your guilt is what is driving you now.
Most of the stories I have heard from people that have moved through MLC ,is that there is still a ton of guilt over their actions, and forgiving themselves is the hardest part for them.
Mach1, Great questions. I will answer as best I can. This is what I have learned and how I function post MLC. 1. Not much anxiety in life anymore, No constant mental noise 2. more peacefulness and discovering control is an illusion 3. My kids gravitate to me more more now then ever before. My oldest has said tht you give off an air of peacefulness. I like being around you.
If I have guilt I don't see it but maybe I'm missing it. I consider my life better now post MLC because of where I am. Where I am is independent of anyone else. I did think my marriage would get better than it was post MLC because I became much more empathetic to people, my wife my kids. Not that I wasn't that way before but even more so now. Obviously what I thought and what has taken place are two different outcomes.
I feel like I am in a good place except for my marriage with my wife. I have followed the concepts for many months now. My wife wanted no boudaries at all. She had threatened to leave many times the past 6 months. I said everytime that it is your choice, I would prefer you stay but I will not block the door. Her complaints were:
We became stagnant(This is somewhat true) That she is a different person and were going in differnt directions. She is done raising children(we still have a 12 yr old) I have to drag you along everywhere.( We did many things together, before she loved being together. When i did my own thing she always wanted to know when I would be home) I have forgiven myself and all the baggage that came with MLC. I like the person I became.
My wife is confused(MLC i think). She is searching for external excitement. She made mention before that she has to do something to get herself through this. Her escape from this getting an apartment, living by herself, her job, her independence. I definetely played a role in her leaving. I have a life independent of her. I will not know the outcome til she makes her way through her journey just as with most of the people here. You cannot control there journey. That is one thing I learned through MLC. I could not control the overwhelming feelings that came over me. I just went with it as best I could. With mine there was just mass confusion most of the time and no one else could have a made a difference. It was my road to travel. I don't know what my reationship with my wife will look like going forward. there may not be one, but I want to keep moving forward as well.
This is what I have learned and how I function post MLC. 1. Not much anxiety in life anymore, No constant mental noise 2. more peacefulness and discovering control is an illusion 3. My kids gravitate to me more more now then ever before. My oldest has said tht you give off an air of peacefulness. I like being around you.
How about patience ?
Originally Posted By: Spirit
If I have guilt I don't see it but maybe I'm missing it. I consider my life better now post MLC because of where I am. Where I am is independent of anyone else. I did think my marriage would get better than it was post MLC because I became much more empathetic to people, my wife my kids. Not that I wasn't that way before but even more so now. Obviously what I thought and what has taken place are two different outcomes.
Maybe you don't see it, I would venture that you feel it inside.
Originally Posted By: Spirit
We became stagnant(This is somewhat true) That she is a different person and were going in differnt directions. She is done raising children(we still have a 12 yr old) I have to drag you along everywhere.( We did many things together, before she loved being together. When i did my own thing she always wanted to know when I would be home) I have forgiven myself and all the baggage that came with MLC. I like the person I became.
Did your marriage become stagnant ? Just you ? Just her ?
Most marriages become stagnant at some point or another. We work with the tools we are given throughout our lifetime. So we tend to think those tools will do everything from carpet to plumbing. What we don't see is that as our tasks change, so should our tools.
Ever try to cut tile with a butter knife?
Not a blame on you here. Most of us learn this far too late to do any good today.
Originally Posted By: Spirit
My wife is confused(MLC i think). She is searching for external excitement. She made mention before that she has to do something to get herself through this. Her escape from this getting an apartment, living by herself, her job, her independence. I definetely played a role in her leaving. I have a life independent of her. I will not know the outcome til she makes her way through her journey just as with most of the people here. You cannot control there journey. That is one thing I learned through MLC. I could not control the overwhelming feelings that came over me. I just went with it as best I could. With mine there was just mass confusion most of the time and no one else could have a made a difference. It was my road to travel.
You, of all people, should understand how she feels right now then.
The patience it will take to make it through this intact.
How do you see things that she is doing, in relation to what you did ?
Originally Posted By: Spirit
I don't know what my relationship with my wife will look like going forward. there may not be one, but I want to keep moving forward as well.
What do you want it to look like ?
Take away everything that pertains to your relationship right now....
Mach1, Thanks for making me think harder. It really is your choice in life. I live life spontanously. I always have. I need to make a choice now which is difficult for me. Patience - I feel my patience has increased many fold but I will need to more for this stand.
I will continue to look to see if I have guilt hidden inside somewhere. If its in there I will find it.
Our marriage seemed to always evolve. I may be nieve but we aech changed and were able to move forward together and it worked. The biggest change is MLC. It derailed me for 2 1/2 years. It is now derailing my wife. Remember in MLC you are rocked to the core of your being. It almost seems like a program to prepare you for the second half of your life. The problem is when your a couple, one spouse is looking at it from the two of you perspective and the other is now only looking at it from there individual journey.
My MLC was mostly internal. I did not turn to external stimulus which may be why it was only 2 1/2 years. Hers is external for now and has not looked inward yet.
My vision is for two post MLC people whose view is a more mature loving relationship. I am prepared for that but not nieve enough to think this is going to happen. I will treat her with as much compassion that i have. Believe me I have much. I also believe that life does carry us along and if we listen we do hear the answers. I am listening as we speak.
