Sitting in my house all alone...

[Navyguy]

Well, the trip to go see the kids is coming up fast. I'm very nervous about how I'm going to interact with my W. I feel like it is going to be next to impossible for me to hold back the tears when I get off the plane and see the kids (W will be there too). Should I try to hold it back or just let them flow?

I miss them so much, and I know it's going to be so hard to not ask her to come back while I'm there, especially if I know I'm not going to see the kids again for awhile. My goal is to stay positive and not bring up any M talk, but this still feels so unfair to me, especially since I'm willing to bend over backwards to make any accomodations she wants when she comes back. When we had the original blow-up after Christmas she said she would never take the kids away from me...but that's exactly what she's doing right now. I don't know what to believe...is she doing this to make things better in the long run, or does she really not care that she's keeping me from the kids right now? Ugh, so many questions that I can't ask or bring up right now.

We've been having some positive interactions, but seeing as she is so good at burying her emotions, I am worried that she is doing that again. We had a good talk on the phone last night and I kept it very light, and ended it on my terms. She still hasn't opened up much at all to me, and that is hard to deal with, since I finally feel like I have the tools to communicate with her in a way she would appreciate. I'm making all these positive changes and she's not around to see them! Aaargh!

Well, better get back to work. As always, any support and advice is always deeply appreciated.