LL - go for the 180! Maybe he may not notice or act as if he cares the first time, but maybe after it continues to happen? Or he comes home to find a sitter there with the kids? something? get another tattoo? belly button ring? buy a harley? new haircut? Just something to rock his world a bit?
to be honest I don't exactly know why perhaps all the years of that empty promise of things will be easier next year...I'll have more time next year..vacations comming up...etc I bought into the illusion..who knows.
cupcake,
another tatoo...hmmmm been thinking about it...a belly button ring...have one...a new hair cut? in the process of letting it grow...different clothes? I'm already eclectic there aint much left to add to the wardrobe cept maybe a potato sac.
IMP,
solution #2...ultimatums are useless...what it would incude though is a warning that I fear things heading to a point where and ultimatum or pink slip (is that what they give you when you get fired?) will be given. No timelines just stating where the way things are going seems to be leading us or at least me wich means us.
thing is that seems a cheeseless tunnel as I've gone that route before.
suggestions on how to venture down that route? how to phrase things in a manner that will be heard and responded to without defensiveness...obviosly we can't do anything about passivity...seems when I try to have such a conversation I'm met by a silent wall.
to be honest I don't exactly know why perhaps all the years of that empty promise of things will be easier next year...I'll have more time next year..vacations comming up...etc I bought into the illusion..who knows.
cupcake,
another tatoo...hmmmm been thinking about it...a belly button ring...have one...a new hair cut? in the process of letting it grow...different clothes? I'm already eclectic there aint much left to add to the wardrobe cept maybe a potato sac.
IMP,
solution #2...ultimatums are useless...what it would incude though is a warning that I fear things heading to a point where and ultimatum or pink slip (is that what they give you when you get fired?) will be given. No timelines just stating where the way things are going seems to be leading us or at least me wich means us.
thing is that seems a cheeseless tunnel as I've gone that route before.
suggestions on how to venture down that route? how to phrase things in a manner that will be heard and responded to without defensiveness...obviosly we can't do anything about passivity...seems when I try to have such a conversation I'm met by a silent wall.
to be honest I don't exactly know why perhaps all the years of that empty promise of things will be easier next year...I'll have more time next year..vacations comming up...etc I bought into the illusion..who knows.
cupcake,
another tatoo...hmmmm been thinking about it...a belly button ring...have one...a new hair cut? in the process of letting it grow...different clothes? I'm already eclectic there aint much left to add to the wardrobe cept maybe a potato sac.
IMP,
solution #2...ultimatums are useless...what it would incude though is a warning that I fear things heading to a point where and ultimatum or pink slip (is that what they give you when you get fired?) will be given. No timelines just stating where the way things are going seems to be leading us or at least me wich means us.
thing is that seems a cheeseless tunnel as I've gone that route before.
suggestions on how to venture down that route? how to phrase things in a manner that will be heard and responded to without defensiveness...obviosly we can't do anything about passivity...seems when I try to have such a conversation I'm met by a silent wall.
to be honest I don't exactly know why perhaps all the years of that empty promise of things will be easier next year...I'll have more time next year..vacations comming up...etc I bought into the illusion..who knows.
cupcake,
another tatoo...hmmmm been thinking about it...a belly button ring...have one...a new hair cut? in the process of letting it grow...different clothes? I'm already eclectic there aint much left to add to the wardrobe cept maybe a potato sac.
IMP,
solution #2...ultimatums are useless...what it would incude though is a warning that I fear things heading to a point where and ultimatum or pink slip (is that what they give you when you get fired?) will be given. No timelines just stating where the way things are going seems to be leading us or at least me wich means us.
thing is that seems a cheeseless tunnel as I've gone that route before.
suggestions on how to venture down that route? how to phrase things in a manner that will be heard and responded to without defensiveness...obviosly we can't do anything about passivity...seems when I try to have such a conversation I'm met by a silent wall.
Here it is. He doesn't believe a damn thing you say. You are nagging. And nagging goes in one ear and out the other. He has heard it all before. And what you are saying is that you are going to let it go until you are finally sick and tired of him and are going to kick him out. Perhaps, it would make sense to say, look buster, you have 6 months (arbitrary) to straighten out or this marriage is over. If in that time, nothing has change, you have to go. You are doing to your H exactly what my ex did to me.
well imp I didn't mean to reply 4 times...but I can see how that can be construed as nagging
well then I guess that's it...so the facts are this...I can ask for what I want (AGAIN) and not get it or get it occassionaly. I can demand (by putting a deadline with a neg end result if he doesn't meet my demands) change in the r and be met with "it's the same old stuff" (wonder why so many guys sit and say "you been complaining about the same things for years" and never do a damn thing to address those complaints??? moronic if ya ask me!) and then a fight and coldness possibly followed by a short period of h attempting to meet some of those requests to keep me quiet and then poof right back to coasting. or I can say nothing as I've already said it all before and it would just be "bringing up the same things again" and either learn to live with it or eventually blow a gasket.
so you see imp there really is nothing I can do right now..I'm not in a position to put the kids through it...they are a factor...sure they'll always be a factor but in another 15 years or so not as much of a factor and a lot can change in that time period...but then again don't they deserve better? wich is worse? a broken home but two parents who are happy...or a whole family with one oblivious and the others blood almost boiling?
and for that matter what would I be doing if h weren't here? how much of that can I do now?
hmmm? so we weren't here when h got home...so he worked in the yard moving some snow...he was inside when we got back..he brought us home a new tree...he didn't run off and hide...he stayed around and held the vaccum cord while I vacuumed the corner where the other tree (long story) was and helped me move a bench..then went to the play room with son...I put dd to bed and then off to class..when I returned he was asleep on the couch..I did a few things and then turned off the tv and shook (lightly) the pillow that was under his head..he made it up to bed 2 min later..this am he made toast for the kids and tea for me...
again today he says he will be home early..this time 2 or 3..we wont be home anyway as we have a play date (shush, don't tell the kids..they'll be at me to go all morning) at 1.
so this evening we will be (according to h) bringing in the new tree, hanging the rest of the lights outside and then possibly decorating the tree.
Do you have anything to say about the part where I said that you were treating your H just like my ex treated me? I mentioned that because it is not a recipe for success. And quite frankly, we got along much better than you two do. We get along much better in divorce than you two do. I'll bet we speak to each other more too.
My ex thought she nagged. I didn't hear it. But then again, my mother was the queen. So, any nagging I received was almost sweetalk.
Children. I see adult children who have a harder time than young children with this stuff. Obviously, a home with two loving parents is the optimal setup. The other querstions are ones I can't answer except to say we do our best to make it work for our children.
LL, what I see when you post are excuses. You can't do anything. The truth is that you won't do anything. That is ok too. But once you have made the decision not to do anything, then you have no right whatsoever to complain about the way your H treats you and the kids.
