Till death do us part... or she leaves...

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS,
Well, I had a good one hour session with Joanne tonight. We went over my sitch and she seems to think that there is a chance that my W may not be done with me just yet. I did enjoy talking with her quite a bit. It did open my eyes to some of the stuff that I have been ignoring. After a long discussion, she actually thought that based upon the current situation, I should actually call my W. So, after I hung up with her, I called my W. She answered but didn't seem to be all that excited to speak with me. Turns out that my grandmother did exactly what I feared she would do.

Yesterday, after discussing the S with her, she asked if she could call my W. I asked her to wait until I talked with my W before she would call her to make sure my W would answer. Well, she didn't wait. Instead she began calling my W immediately this afternoon. I still had not had a chance to tell my W that my grandmother and I had spent the day together on Sunday discussing the S. But, surprisingly, my W answered and they talked for 30 minutes. Much to my horror, though, my grandmother thought it would be a good idea to invite my W to a upcoming family function. That is EXACTLY what I asked her not to do!!

So, my W told her, "Well, I would like to see you. I miss you terribly as you were the only grandmother I ever really had. But I think it will be up to (name - me) as to whether not I can do that." I think she is now starting to understand that I do have some control in this thing. I told my W that I was sorry that my GM did that. She told me that I should not apologize to her for this as she still loves my GM deeply. Yea, you love my freaking GM, but I am still living alone. I will have to sleep on it as to whether or not I will allow her to attend family functions in the near future. Right now, my gut tells me no. She wanted the S, she will have to deal with the fall out. My family and I are a package deal. If you don't want me, you don't get my family as a consolation prize, my love...

Anyway, we talked for 45 minutes about her new place, things going on with her job. We laughed and she openly told me about her schedule for the rest of the week. I guess I am now firmly in the "friends" zone. There seemed to be no fallout from me ignoring her this weekend. She seemed interested in trying to come by one night this week to get the other stuff she wanted, but I told her she couldn't as I would be out of town for business and would be too busy to fit her in. She informed me that she is going to visit her sister in another state this weekend. Guess why? So, she can spend the entire weekend with her 2 year old niece. So many mixed messages. Two weeks ago she told me she was happy we didn't have kids together and that she was coming to the realization that she was probably never going to have kids. Now, she is driving six hours to see a 2 year old. I am starting to enjoy this DB'ing stuff a bit. I am really starting to understand just how unprepared my W is for this thing she has launched. If she would sit and listen to herself at times, she might realize just how confused and scattered she is right now. None the less, I guess we won't see each other until next week at the earliest.

I found myself liking the stuff Joanne said tonight, but I also don't want to lose site that they are being paid to save my marriage and keep me hopeful. I doubt very seriously they ever just say, "Ah, forget it and get the D. You're done." That wouldn't make for a very successful business now would it? Remember, I have been in professional medical sales for 10 years. I know salesmanship when I see it... But, I will meet with her again in a couple of weeks to do a status check and get some more direction on how to stay in the "friends" zone for now.

Tonight I sit here with mixed emotions. On the positive side, I really enjoyed speaking with Joanne. She was very kind, courteous and professional. She had some really nice insight on the situation. I also have Joanne telling me that my marriage is not doomed just yet. Joanne continued to remind me that my W still has not yet used the word D in front of me. Really, she hasn't. Not once in then entire 5 months that this has been dragging on. Joanne also thought there was a hidden message in the fact that my W will still not part with her rings as I have asked her to do. "Right now, she clearly doesn't want to be married, but it also seems like she doesn't want to be divorced just yet either." Also, I got to spend 45 minutes talking and laughing with my W on the phone. That has to be a good thing considering there are so many folks on this forum who's spouses have told them to "go to h*ll and don't call me." When I call, she answers. If she was done with me, why would she spend 45 minutes on the phone with me? She pretty much has all the stuff from the house that she wants. No real need to fake it any more. Oh well, I have my health, my job and my family. All good things!

On the flip side, I can't let the current circumstances go unnoticed. My W did not initiate contact until two weeks ago when she needed furniture and money. Then, all of a sudden, she was more than willing to talk to me on the phone. Once she had what she needed, the contact faded considerably. She is not an idiot. She knows that when I am pushed, I can play "hardball." She knows if she wanted stuff from this house without the assistance of the sheriff's department, she was going to have to play nice. I guess she just wasn't expecting the new "me." Second, I had to initiate the contact tonight. I guess it is still too early for me to expect her to call me for anything other than business. I figure if that is going to happen at all, it will take another couple of weeks or months to get there. I think I let myself get too excited after reading 2step and Denver's posts. I guess I need to wake up and realize that I am not where they are yet. Third, she just moved again. Life is unstable and scary again. What better way to calm your nerves than a little quality time on the phone with the man that you dumped to make you feel good?? Fourth, she could be just buying time. She has to know that in six weeks she can drop the papers. You have to wait six months after one party leaves the house before you can drop the papers. The week of March 6th maybe one of the worst of my life or maybe it won't. Who knows??

I also have to take some solace in what my friend who was a WAH told me on Saturday. She is probably still acting in front of me. He told me that for up to a year he put on an act every time he was in front of his W, friends, and family. He didn't want her to know he was hurting considering he walked out on her. And he didn't want to let his friends see him hurting because they also knew he walked. No one wants to create a "master plan" and then look like an idiot executing it. None the less, my W has definitely developed some acting skills that she did not have before she left.

Well, I have an early day tomorrow. I do have something I want to post for discussion, but I will do it tomorrow night. It is a subject that I have been wanting to discuss, but have not yet because I feel like I could be jumping the gun.

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD