New to this community seeking advice 2

[JR09]

I need to be patient and not rush things. It's only been a month since I am now living 20 miles away from W and kids. Better than 900 miles for sure. I need to take it slow and not push issues, especially R talks...I have to remember this. Keeping me up tonight. it's 1230AM...

I feel W only talks to me when it's about money issues, but then doesn't say much after that. Silent treatment, more silent treatment. I try to engage. Small talk at BB practice, game, kids' swap. OK, so what would be a 180 I could do?...Sitting close to her during BB games? What could I do?

I feel she is just concerned about money, and here I am trying to work on this R, changing, etc etc. Maybe I am tired to be treated like dirt here...Maybe I'm just tired and thinking too much, so all kinds of thoughts creep into my mind. Maybe I'd better get some sleep and think about the positive things that have happened since I moved up here a month ago. Maybe I just need to stop here and stop the crazy talk and think rationally. Yes, that sounds better. Much better.

Joel

[MichelleLT]

You got to sit with her at the game! What more do you want?

I'm being facetious, but not really. You just moved to the state, you are seeing more of the family and more of her, and you sat with her at the game. THAT'S HUGE PROGRESS!

Don't sabotage it with a R talk!

Talk about the finances, try and pay some stuff off. Figure out your job and living situation for the long term.

Have you found a new job? How long does the severance have to last you? Those are things you need to figure out before you decide how much of it to give to her. It wouldn't be unreasonable to use the money to repair the car and keep giving her the monthly amount you have been. So don't feel obligated to just give her half or something just because. Do what's best for the kids.

[MichelleLT]

She's not treating you like dirt.

She's not treating you like her husband, or her boyfriend, or anything other than her kid's father. But she's not treating you like dirt.

You expect to be treated like her husband though, so you perceive it as nothing. Your expectations are killing you!

You have to start from scratch. As if you were newly dating.

You've been talking to this girl, and you saw her at a game and asked to sit with her and she said yes and you guys talked. You'll have to build on that just like any new relationship trying to work up to that first date, and then the first kiss. It doesn't matter that you are technically M, you are trying to start a new R.

[JR09]

Got it Michelle. Good copy. You are always right. I will do just that: treat it like a new relationship. I will see her tomorrow at S13's BB game. No expectations, no nothing. Just DB/DR mindset, and showcase the new Joel. Got it.

Thanks, Michelle. More to follow.

Joel