A Lovestruck Romeo Singing the Streets in Serenade

[Denver_2010]

Journal/Update

Further 1/29/11 update

W texted me to let me know when she needed to leave for her gig and asked me if she could bring SS to me at that time. I agreed. SS was brought to me, W was running late, so no real conversation at that time. SS and I went to a movie, had a good time, back to my house and to bed for him.

I waited for W to contact me. I knew that it would be late bc the gig was a couple of hours away. At around 2 a.m., I texted her to see if she was okay. She responded that she had just gotten home.

W texted: "what's the plan with SS for tomorrow"

Me: "Whatever is fine with me. Do you want to take him to see the Green Hornet with me?"

W: "Let's talk about it tomorrow. I'll call you guys"

Me: "Sounds good. Goodnight."

W: "night"
-------------

Yep, I asked my W to do something with me... Not very DB, but I had to do it.

[Denver_2010]

Journal/Update

1/30/11

W and I have a text conversation Sunday afternoon.

W: "what are you guys up to"

Me: "went to church, played ball with the dog, now at coffee shop eating breakfast sandwiches. What r u up to?"

W: "Was sleeping. About to get moving. Cousin coming over at 2"

Me: "Ok. Well, just let me know what's going on with SS. I'd still like to take him to see Green Hornet with you. I understand though if u don't have time or don't want to"

W: "Cousin coming over at 2. Want me to get seth before that or after. I don't know about the movie yet. Maybe tonight."

Me: "After is fine with me. We're just hanging out and I don't have anything going on."

W: " ok"
----------
Later on Sunday...

W calls me. We talk about us taking SS to movie together. She says that she feels weird. I tell her that I understand and that it is completely up to her. W says something about like "I know what you're up to." I said, "I don't know what you're talking about." It was a light/joking exchange. She said, "we've been together for 8 years, I know when you're up to something." I again joked that I wasn't up to anything and didn't know what she was talking about.

W says okay to movie and asks me if SS and I have eaten. I told her that SS had eaten something small, that I had not, but could wait unless she wanted to eat. W said that she wanted to eat something before. I told her that I'd take her to dinner. We agreed to meet at restaurant by movie theater.

W met SS and I at the restaurant. We ate dinner and talked normally (normally in the sense that it did not seem uncomfortable).

After dinner we all went to the movie. SS did sit bw W and I which I was a little disappointed about, but beggars can't be choosers I guess.

W smiled a lot during the movie. We smiled at each other a couple of times when a couple of things happened in movie that were probably above SS's head. It was nice to make eye contact with W like that.

After the movie, W and I sat down and talked while SS played a few video games. Again, very normal conversation about some things going on in her life. Nothing serious.

I walked W and SS to W's car. I walked around to the driver's side and W got in her car. I thanked her for coming to the movie. She thanked me for dinner and the movie. I leaned in and gave her a slight hand touch on her shoulder and squeezed it gently... trying to be a little loving.

As we were saying goodbye, I said "I love you guys" to W and SS. We said "talk to you later" and I walked away.

I completely broke down when I got into my car. It was like weeks and weeks of holding in my hurt, missing my W, and pretending to be 'detached' all coming out at once.

-----

I think overall that this is progress. But I have absolutely no idea on how to continue moving it forward. Do I continue to sit back waiting for her to initiate contact? Do I show any kind of pursuit whatsoever?

I really don't know what to do guys?

Thoughts?

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Feeling extremely lonely and down tonight everyone. I know that I should be encouraged, but I just want to know that I am on the right track. I want to ask my W where she is with all of this but I know that I shouldn't.

Ahhhh.... Where is my patience?!

[mj144]

Patience, patience, patience...everything is looking great, Denver. Don't lose sight of the fact that your troubles did not happen overnight and the fix will not happen overnight. Keep moving along at a slow and steady pace. The seed has been planted, not you must water, fertilize and nurture that seed until it blossoms into full bloom. Don't be too anxious to have that happen. I can speak from experience, if you don't do this the right way, you will find yourself back here in a sitch that is worse than the time before. Don't make the mistakes I made the last 2x I went through this. If I did it right, I would not be here now. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't run out of gas in the first few miles.

B.I.T.S.

[2stepboogie]

Hey Denver,

The journey of a thousand miles begins with single step. I think you are doing things the right way. I am in the same boat as you......almost. This is the question I struggle with sometimes at one point do I take a chance. Honestly reading your update I don't think you are there yet.

She had a good time at the movies and at dinner. Good. Make sure that if you have a few more of these she continues to have a good time. The better time she is having with you the better your odds of continuing the progress. At some point though you might want to change the script a little and maybe be a little "busy" when it comes to her. I don't think it’s that time yet but I believe that time is coming for you. You'll know when it is right.

Patience is the biggest thing we all struggle with here, I see a little window of hope and I am ready to jump through like Evil Kenevil but I have to maintain and so do you. Keep it light and comfortable and she will come to you. Don’t stumble now you must maintain. Recognize the small victories.

[Denver_2010]

Think that I messed up tonight by not being patient..

Journal/update

Roads here in Denver are extremely icy tonight. Soooo, I took it upon myself to text W to see if she and SS were home safely and not on the road.

Me: "Are you guys safely at home and off the roads"

W: "Yes. Thanks for checking. I left right after school and we have a snow day tomorrow. Hope you are in for the night as well."

Me: "I am. I don't have a snow day tomorrow! Lucky... ;)"

W: "The only benefit to making no money."

Me: "That and you get to make a difference in all of your students' lives... What's SS doing?"

W: "He is now getting on the computer. He was watching t.v."

Me: "Oh...I tried calling him a while ago but he didn't answer. Have fun with your snow day while i'm driving all over town! Goodnight. P.S. Sorry if I bugged you. Just wanted to make sure u guys were ok."

W: "He left his phone upstairs. He said he will call you tomorrow. Not a bother. Drive safe and stay warm. Let faucets drip tonight."

Me: "Thanks. I will. Goodnight Wife"

W: "night"
________________

First, I initiated the damn conversation, mistake #1. Second, she sounded somewhat disinterested and cold in that conversation. Kind of a let down after this weekend's contact bw us.

Now I feel depressed.

BITS
Denver

[dbmod]

No need to be depressed. She may just be on a low ebb due to the weather, or other things. It's not ALL relationship related (aka, it's not all about you ). Sometimes people are just tired, etc.

Hang in there.

[Denver_2010]

Thanks dbmod. I suppose that you are right. I think bc I've made some progress, that I'm now wanting things to be rushed to reconciliation.

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,
Two quick things: 1) I think 2step is right. There is a pattern forming in your "updates." She gets in a bind, needs a place to put SS for a spell and you jump. You may want to back off on that. Don't become her "insurance policy." Next time she asks, tell her you are busy. I think this is the third time that you have immediately agreed to take him to save her. Next time, politely refuse and then she how she reacts. If she blows up, you know she is using you as a babysitter. If she finds another alternative without much emotion, you are probably on firm ground. Just my opinion. If you truly enjoy being with your SS, then do it. But, make sure that she isn't using you to watch him and for no other reason.

2) Still looking good, but don't worry about how things went tonight. You were texting. There is no possible way you could determine her mood or facial expressions while she was texting. For all you know, she could have been smiling the whole time. That is why I hate texting or email. My W and I have agreed to calls and voicemails only and it does help. I don't have to guess her mood when I can clearly hear it on the other side of the line. Also, just a thought to consider.

You are still "the man," right now. Get your head up and chest out. You are still light years ahead of many of us, especially me. Make tomorrow a good day!

BITS never walk alone!!

FOBD

[dixiegal]

Denver,

1st Im so hyped about the movies!! I mean I would give anything for any contact w/my H right now. So, that yall had dinner/movies together is pretty awesome in itself! Thats a step in the right direction.

Okay, so you shouldnt have called her first. But, you kept it simple and basic. I mean you didnt say ILY or anything. So, don't beat yourself up...your doing great!

So, maybe you could just hang back a bit. I know after spending a nice time as a family it had to be real hard to see them go. But, think of it as what could be your future and what your working for...

I'm proud of you! Your DBing and starting to see some progress. I don't think your W is using you to watch SS. I mean, she knows you love him and enjoy having him w/you. Even if she was...who cares you love him and want him around. Plus, its good for your SS.

Hang in there my friend! Things are looking up....

Praying for you always!

Dixie