So H & I have been separated since 11/7/10. He started affair in October and she is now 13 weeks pregnant. He has insisted up until last Friday that he wanted a divorce and that he didn't want to be with me anymore. Read my first post for the sitch. Well he is starting to have some hesitations about whether or not the baby is his. It is a 50/50 chance it is his, I really think it most likely is.
He held me in the recliner on Friday and let me cry. He said he did it cuz he does care about me and hates seeing me hurt like this. He stayed the night out our house on Sat night, I went out for a girls nite. He slept in one room, I slept in the other. The next morning he came in and just held me and I, of course cried softly to him, telling him that I have discovered a lot about my relationship with him and the way I handle things. I just want a chance seeings how I have a direction and guidance of an amazing counselor. For the first time in the past few months he listened to me and I felt like he was taking it all in. Well one thing did lead to another and we had sex. I felt bad about it, because I know that his heart is not entirely with me. I don't want him to think he can have his cake and eat it too, but at the same time I have needs that I only want my husband to take care of from now on.
Right before he got in the shower, I told him that my heart is with him and proceeded to tell me that his heart isn't telling him that. When he got out of the shower he walked up, hugged me and told me that he wanted me to know that he loved me. I said thank you and I hope he means that he loves me as his wife. He was shaking his head up and down. Do you think maybe he had time to reflect a little in the shower? IDK... He admitted to me that he definitely has a lot of stuff to think about and coming back to his wife and family is on his mind. That hasn't been the case this whole time. I have done all of the wrong things up until this point.
Is there any reason to attempt db'ing again? Am I stupid? I need guidance in keeping hope alive and staying on course. I was completely determined last week to move to the acceptance phase of divorce.
Oh yeah, I get the keys to my rental house tonight. Yes, we had already started separating everything up. I'm scared to move for fear that he is going to be that much farther away from me, even though he has been staying with his dad since November. I want him to eventually move in with us up there. Does anyone see light at the end of the tunnel for me?
I would be cautiously optimistic. It's intersting how these EA/PA die out as quick as they start.
You have to reconnect before you can reconcile. Start out as friends again because you both are diff people now. You have to see if these versions of you both will work to make a new marriage and it very well may.
If you have the DR book, I suggest you read the Chapter on Infidelity. It will guide you well. I would keep DB'g. Don't pursue, keep your 180's going, show your H you are the person he fell in love with but that you can live your life w/o him too. Men like strong, independent, confident women.
Best of luck to you. Please keep your posts going.
Peace - ZG
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
just curious....when will either of us know it is time to reconcile? I have read DR and DB, but my head is so boggled with info and emotions-I'm having a hard time telling my head from my you know what. Everything just seems so abrupt and sudden and Im trying not to get my hopes up. I'm just gonna keep acting "as if!" I'm just so scared.......It is strange how you can be with someone for 17 years and BAM you're back to chasing a guy you like. Really does go against everything.
I can't stop thinking about him going back and forth between me and the OW. Do I just have to accept that for now and I hope that through reconnecting he will decide to end it with her.
When the other woman is pregnant, does that make it even harder for them break away from her. He knows that I'm here to support him and be here for him as his "wife" to help raise the child.
