Losing my motivation....need some advice quick...

[zengypsy]

It's funny I did the same thing tonight also. Just saw some pictures and broke down for what seemed like hours. Hang in there gypsy your determination is inspiring to me. You know I live about 20min from CT. Wish we could meet up for some coffee in the city. I could use the company from someone who understands

2Step - You hang in there as well and I'm flattered that my determination is inspiring. Please remind of that when I hit a speed bump again.

Hey what a cool idea! I would meet up with you for a cup of joe in the city. One hitch - you need to bring your DR book along so we can really have an in depth discussion. I will bring my copy as well, dog-earred, highlighted to the hilt and all. Let's try and set something up; I will leave it up to you.

[2stepboogie]

Sounds good since we can't trade personal info we will recognize each other by the book. Give me a few days to find a spot

[zengypsy]

Just a thought that may work better for me; how does White Plains work for you?

[zengypsy]

Ok, I'm struggling today. Perhaps a lack of sleep due to the info my SIL told me that my H is making bad choices. I know i can't help him, no one can. He's going to haev to crash and burn much like an alcoholic. But I also can't help but worry about him and what these bad choices are. I just love him with all my heart so why wouldn't I worry?

I know it's not drugs because he as never even smoked pot. Then I think, did he get some girl pregnant? Did he move in with her and that's why he moved to NJ? Is he drinking more? I just don't know and I'm really scared for him. I know that Michele indicates in the MLC Chapter that MLC'ers are in an experimental stage and that it may include a relationship. The thought of that makes me physically ill. I still consider it cheating and I found this great quote today...."Cheating only shows the character of the cheater."

I'm at a crossroads. I wish I had asked my SIL at least how bad are these choices on a scale of 1-10. Maybe it's better I don't know as it would break my heart more and I would worry more.

I'm really missing my H today....

And one question....I know in the

[Queen_of_Swords]

It's probably better you don't know. If you did you might try to get in his business and fix it for him or try to make it all better.
I know you love him. I love the essential spark of who my H is as well. It's really hard to stand aside, watch - let them fail, and not engage at all.
I am losing hope and any motivation myself with the day being the 31st of January. Time keeps passing and eventually the sand in the hourglass that is my patience,and sense of connection to this man I once was happy to call my H is disappearing.
It's me and the kids and he is a shadow.

[2stepboogie]

White Plains works also do you have a place in mind?


Hang in there I get that feeling all the time. Sometimes I feel so lonely it hurts this weekend was hell for me. I take comfort in coming here sometimes I read sometimes I journal and sometimes I just cry. I know that she feels the same and I am sure he has his moments of anguish.

It seems so simple to us doesn't it? If you hurt so much why not just come back and put in the work that a marriage requires. The answer to that I will never know. I use to find comfort in my dreams but even they torment me now.

One thing is for sure, our imagination is our worse enemy. When we spend our time thinking about what they are doing or not doing we torture ourselves a lot more than we should. In reality their life is probably as boring as ours.

Hang in there! Together we shall all be better one way or another.

[zengypsy]

2 - I don't but I can put some suggestions together and throw them out there. I would welcome coming into NYC, but it's a little out of the budget at the moment with all my snowplowing expenses.

Are there any days you had in mind?

I have cried so often in front of my H since this all began. I've tried not to, but I can't help it. He offers me no solace just a cold hearted stare and says I use my tears as a weapon. Do you really think he has his moments of anguish? I know that Michele says that even though they blame us for everything, it's just to mask their pain. It's so hard to see the forest thru the trees sometimes.

I'm trying to hang tough. I just want my H to come home.

[grr]

i agree that it is better not to know
just think about what the end result to having that knowledge will be
will it make you feel any better?
my husbands band is out on the road right now and this is the first time he is out as a "single man"
if i let myself go there i will be destroyed
he is going to do what he wants and all i can do is not think about it and try to move forward
it does kill tho', i understand, i really do
big hug for you

[zengypsy]

Thanks grr you are so nice always offering a kind word and hug!

I do music stuff on the side - business part of the industry as a hobby, so I can totally understand your thoughts with him being on the road. Well, I used to do it more when my H was here - it was a mutual passion we had.

[zengypsy]

It's probably better you don't know. If you did you might try to get in his business and fix it for him or try to make it all better.
I know you love him. I love the essential spark of who my H is as well. It's really hard to stand aside, watch - let them fail, and not engage at all.
I am losing hope and any motivation myself with the day being the 31st of January. Time keeps passing and eventually the sand in the hourglass that is my patience,and sense of connection to this man I once was happy to call my H is disappearing.
It's me and the kids and he is a shadow.

SC - I feel your pain and I'm sorry you are hurting too. Sending you HUGS....