sorry for the confusion...I meant option #4...and honestly rachael though there is hope for ME I don't see there is any hope for this marriage to change...it's a dynamic that has been at play for over a decade and it's only getting worse..of course in h's eyes things are better, that's simply because I don't bother to bring up half the crap that bothers me anymore cause I know it's a cheesless tunnel..thing is 99% of the issues in this m are a cheeseless tunnel...maybe I should have married a mouse.
I'm not imagining anything at all I'm simply making assumptions about what the facts mean.
fact.
h has been falling asleep on the couches almost every night this is something he started doing during his a.
assumption (and I'm not even going there just stating it) that h is again involved in some capacity with ow..or is simply distant on his own.
fact. h's shedule has not slowed down at all and in fact more often than not he ends up lying to me "us" by stating that he'll be home early and then plans change.
assumption that means he is avoiding us/me for some reason
fact h is distant or too occupied to play with the kids and is grumpy with short patience expecting them to act like mini adults
assumption he doesn't want to be here for whatever reason
I could go on and on but there really is no point to it...h is slowly becomming the same man he was during his a..thing is I'm not really giving too much of a crap about it anymore...he can make exuses for anything and I'm tired of the game.
You can all look at me and think...her h came home...she's just a naggin complaining bored little housewife with over 5000 posts...she's screwed up...look at how she rants and raves...but you have no freakin clue what it's like to be with this man. I'm tired of it..and you can all tell me to go get a life and do this or do that or make myself happy yada yada yada and all it does is let him off the hook..am I assuming that? NOPE..been with him for 15 years and I know...makes no difference where I am or who I am with...if I leave or if I stay...if I call or don't call...he's not husband material..gee wonder why his lover was a married woman??? cause a single gal would have dumped him years before.
oh and btw...1 turned into 4 wich has now turned into 5 who knows maybe he'll call again and it will be 6.
again son was told by his dad that he was only going into work for a little bit and now son is waiting and waiting...how many times can I say soon? how long before I too get aggrivated?
sex is a couple of times a month rather than once a couple of months.
OK...I'm gonna be a big giant jerk here... You've gone from sex every couple of months to sex a couple of times a month in the last, what, year and a half AND that's still something that you mention as an issue often....even IF it's less frequency than you would like still...can you see the improvement here? What if instead of focusing on this as a negative this was actually viewed as an accomplishment by you?
Quote: less fights because I don't bother to say anything when h continuously tells me he'll be home early or that things are slowing down and they don't.
and the biggest change of them all...I'm starting to not give a flying [censored] anymore!
LL
Sorry...last two don't count. They were at odds with my instructions...
Two more things, please.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: oh and btw...1 turned into 4 wich has now turned into 5 who knows maybe he'll call again and it will be 6.
again son was told by his dad that he was only going into work for a little bit and now son is waiting and waiting...how many times can I say soon? how long before I too get aggrivated?
and men wonder why they end up with a waw???
LL
What if for 1 week you stopped trying to nail down when h will be home? If you stopped asking (if you do), if you stopped telling S a definitive time, if you stopped reacting with agreement when h says a time...
I'm not suggesting do this for a lifetime. I'm suggesting do it for a week.
If you have plans that he must be home for in order for you to get out of the house...tell him in no uncertain terms: You need to be home by X time on this day.
I'm ASSuming that h is able to do that when there is no other choice?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I can give you many things that have change since last year as h wasn't living here then and was seriously wanting a d...but why should I compare things to then??? if what was occuring before then led up to then wouldn't it make more sense to note what was going on THEN?
ok so then...
h would kiss me on my forehead each morning before he left for work...
h comforted me and listend to me when I was saddend after the last night I would ever nurse a baby to sleep, by telling me what a great mother I was.
h fell asleep on the couch but would usually at some point make it up to bed then eventually stopped making it up to bed
we still had nothing conversations while emptying the dishwasher (hey wait a minute I don't think he's emptied the dishwasher in a year)
sage...as bad as things were BEFORE I knew about the a...they are worse now and now there is nothing I can do about it.
cupcake how's this for a 180...h told us he'd be home at 1 and would take son outside...h now wont be home til 5...we're taking off to go out for dinner! and my cell phone's not charged.
will it matter to him??? nope...he'll look at it as an opportunity to get done what he needs to get done without having to deal with son up his butt!
I don't ask him what time he'll be home..he usually just says..I don't put much credit in it cause he usually changes his story part way through the day... son doesn't fully understand time yet (he's 4) but does know that it gets dark and when it gets dark and daddy said he'd be home after lunch...you've already eaten dinner and now it's getting dark and daddy still isn't home, what mommy says doesn't mean anything.
I skimmed through this thread and one of your previous ones, and I am trying to understand if there ever was a time when things were good between your H and yourself? You've been waiting *ten* years for things to change? I know we all have niggles (big and small) with our spouses dating from day one, but they are usually overridden by a number of other good things. Can you try and think back to the good times, how you and H were? What kind of things drove you to like, love and marry H in the first place?
I hope I haven't put my foot in it here... just a reaction to what I have read on your threads so far!
Livnlearn
(Newbie piecer)
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
