Sarahini,

I know this stuff is so very, very difficult. You are right about

not having to take the emotional abuse. There seems to be very few

LBS that escape the emotional trauma that the MLC'r can't seem to

realize they are projecting out.

As far as making mistakes in this journey, I have made many but

anybody else that goes through this makes the same mistakes. I

feel that is because the way to deal with someone in MLC is so

very foreign in a life that has previously consisted of treating

your spouse with love and respect.

So what I have found, is that any mistakes that were made don't end up

being the dealbreaker you think it may be. Just because you gave

him papers does not make you divorced.

At this point you can leave the ball in his court and watch what

happens. You know this MLC stuff can take YEARS right? If he

truly is in MLC, it is highly unlikely that anything major will

happen soon.

If you read enough posts from some of the women here that are

going through this journey as an LBS, you will see there is

nothing fast about any of this. If it does happen to go fast,

I keep reading that most of the early returned MLC'rs end up

being way worse for the LBS because they have not looked within

to fix themselves. You do NOT want an early return!!!

That concept, is so difficult in the beginning days because the

MLC behavior is so bizzare and unpredictable. BUT the responses

the MLC'r spews and the actions they perform have been seen over

and over again through these threads.

That puts you in quite a spot, doesn't it? What is taught here

is to forget about him right now and dig into yourself. That did

not become a little clearer to me until I got a chance to dig

into what that meant. You will also see that preached over and

over here too.

It is good to vent here though. By you sharing what is going on

in your life, others will see the similarities in their own sitch

and will be able to relate.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to let him blow

in the wind. That is what being detached is all about. The MLC'r

is so insensitive to other peoples feelings that it makes no

sense to anybody that is emotionally stable.

YOU WANT TO BE THE STABLE ONE!!

Not only that,

YOU GET TO BE THE STABLE ONE THROUGH THIS!!

What a wonderful place to be !!!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This, up here, takes TIME to grasp for yourself.


TIME IS WHAT YOU GET IN ABUNDANCE NOW!!!!

You will literally drive yourself crazy trying to anticipate his

moves and what he is doing or saying.

Realize you can't fix him or persuade or punish or hypnotize ( I

thought that might work) or impact his decisions, or...or..or...



It is time to channel that energy that would have been wasted,

into the part of the journey you did not ask for. There are

many here that will help you with this. If you do transfer that

energy into finding what makes Sarahani calm, peaceful, happy,

then the part about your H calling you weak will roll right off

your back like it has for so many of the women here that have

taken this path before you.

THEN!!

When your H says you are weak? You will KNOW by the work that

you have done that he is full of IT!! It won't matter anymore

to you because you will have gained the strength that you need

to make it through no matter which way this goes.

WS