Here we go AGAIN....

[dixiegal]

Hi Yall,

Question??? My pages stop at 12 and it wont let me post anything?!

What do I do???

[wanda15]

Well thanks everyone for the great advice. I did see H yesterday and I told him that it was not okay what he did with our S. I told him that it will never happen again. He knew it was wrong and he did apologize for it.

Then we had a bit of a R talk. He told me he loves me so much and he can't stand being away from me and the kids. He said he wants to come home. I told him that I have a very hard time believing him because I have been here with him before. I said we are in a revolving door and I don't have a clue how to get out of it.

He did agree. H says he wants to work things out and if that means MC he will do it. I told him a bit about Retrouvaille and he thought it was a great idea...

So here I sit wondering what happens now. I still am very undecided on my M. H seems very genuine... but for how long???? I will have to take this one day at a time.

[MrBond]

wanda,

You've handled everything beautifully. Here's the next step.

You've told him about Retrouvaille. Tell him he has to sign you two up for it. That will show you if he is serious or not. Leave the ball in his court and try not to have expectations.

He can talk all he wants and you said he's done this before. Actions speak louder than words. If he doesn't sign up or gives you a list of reasons why he couldn't, then you know his "change of heart" wasn't sincere.

[grr]

wanda, if you are unsure, you need not rush to have him home
if he is truly sincere and wants to be there, a bit more time will not hurt anything
self-preservation and all that

[wanda15]

Thanks everyone. I will update in a day or two. I have come down with a nasty flu and am going to go get some sleep. Talk to everyone real soon.

[alamo76]

Thanks everyone. I will update in a day or two. I have come down with a nasty flu and am going to go get some sleep. Talk to everyone real soon.

Not sure if you're a Seinfeld fan, but the Elaine get-well song comes to mind... Get well, get well soon, we want you to get well...

[grr]

take care of yourself
i'm just getting over one
xo

[wanda15]

Well I am sorta feeling better. At least I am able to function again.

So here is an update. H and I had quite a talk on Sunday. He has told me that I am the love of his life and that he wants his wife and family back. We talked for about 2 hours about all sorts of things in our marriage and what we need to do to fix this. I told him that at this point I really do not have any answers. That if he wants this he is going to have to figure out what needs to be done. That is one of my 180’s...I usually have lots of answers for him....not this time. That night the IL’s showed up here with a snow shovel for me. It was priceless to see the look on his face.
So that night he bought dinner and helped make it. We watched a movie and he spent the night here. Next day we spent some time together. No R talk. He went out for a bit and came back later. We had dinner together and he spent the night again. He had a shower and went into his dresser to find all of my stuff had been moved there and all his stuff was packed in bags. H started bugging me about giving him his drawers back and I said NO. Not until I know this is real. He left it at that.

Tuesday morning I woke up feeling awful. H stuck around for a bit but said he had to go back to where he was staying b/c they didn’t know what was going on yet. He spent the night there. He did text me a few times asking if I was okay and if I needed anything. I did tell him no and I would talk to him later. So he showed up here yesterday afternoon. Went out and got some groceries and dinner for everyone. We watched a movie and went to bed. For awhile it was ok, but then something just kept nagging at me. I didn’t know what it was. This morning we get up and got kids off to school and had a bit of a R talk. H went and had a shower and that’s when I did it. I SNOOPED! I went looking through his cell. So at first glance everything seemed ok. But then I realized that the only texted he had on his phone were from me for the last 4 days. I thought that was weird. So I checked the call history....and there it was....calls to the X.

Now she is an ex from long before we even knew each other. She got married, had two kids, got divorced and moved back here. She dated H’s best friend for almost a year. And after they broke up H started talking to her. He had secret coffee dates with her. FB chats with her ect.... I have let him know I am not okay with this at all and it needed to stop. Every time something is wrong between us he runs to her. Sometimes it is just stupid stuff and other times I am not sure...EA????? So I went and really did it. I FB’d her today. This is what I said:

Ok so here we go again. For some reason (H) seems to have this need to contact you. This needs to stop. I can not have him telling me that I am his everything and he loves me so much ect,,,and then be phoning you. I want you to sever all contact with him. Unless he is divorced from me I do not want any contact between you two. No work, no photo albums, no phone calls and no facebook. I am tired of this secret that is causing an issue in our marriage. Either I come first or it will not work. I am sorry that I have to be this blunt, but he does not seem to get that this is an issue. I don't wish you any ill will, I just need you to stay away. Thank-you.


Sooooo, not sure how well all of this is going to go over. And yah I know I should not have snooped and I know I am backsliding AGAIN....I just do not want to go through this all over again. So go ahead, give me crap...I’m just gonna blame it on the flu...LOL!

[lostinscared]

Ok, seriously, I about fell off my chair laughing about the shovel. You're IL's are the BEST!!!!!

Wanda, go slowly. You are in a perfect position right now to send this down the right path, choose your steps carefully. This can be on your terms and make sure that it is on your terms. You are sooooooooooooooooo worth it.

Did I mention about the shovel??? Cracks me up.

This is going to be so good for you. You are such a strong woman and I have so much respect. MAKE SURE YOU RESPECT YOURSELF.

My prayers are with you. And sweetie, take care of that flu!!!

[MrBond]

You did good. The only thing I would say is that you shouldn't have contacted the X. If your H is the one that contacts her, then HE needs to be told that boundary.

He is the one who keeps breaking it, so this comes down to you and he.