HB- thank you again for taking the time to reply to my long and confused post! I cannot thank you enough. It gives me a great sense of relief to see that there is someone out there who can relate to what I'm going through. I guess I am not the only one looking for 'answers' or for a 'solution'. Knowing that there isn't one - and there isn't a quick fix to his 'problems' is just sooooooooooooo frustrating. It makes me want to bang my head against the wall. But I'm ok. I'm learning a lot about myself (e.g. I have always been much 'better' at taking care of others than taking care of myself, I always put someone else's needs first, including my H's...), I am asking myself questions I would have never asked myself, and I'm getting stronger every day. It's a scary journey. I do NOT want to live my life without him. I have taken the decision to stand for my marriage a while ago and I will try to be as strong as I can for as long as I can. Every day is different but it definitely helps to check in here every now and then. :-)
Cyrena, you were asking if there was a 'trigger'... I can only guess here but I think the fact that his daughter turned 18 in August 'hit him' - made him realize how quickly time had passed. He also didn't go over to Italy for her birthday- on the actual day. something he is now blaming on me, although he was the one who - in the end - DIDN't GO. I didn't stop him, I just allowed myself to have an opinion about it as we had taken her on holiday and organised a big party for her here in the UK only a couple of weeks beforehand.... so that didn't go very well. I guess there were probably many things (the business he had started only a year ago didn't do well at all, he ended up having no money, I really wanted a baby... which he wanted too but deep down inside it scared him ...) I think all that 'pressure' just became too much in the end and he just couldn't handle it anymore... but as I said, I'm only guessing.
Who knows. I realize now he never really opened up about anything to me.
I know we cannot turn back time but I am praying that we will have a second chance. One day (soon please?? ;-))
