after a little more than a year i am back

[Denver_2010]

"What would you say have caused him to have these feelings? Things that you have done, or is it something with him?"
sorry denver, do you mean the feelings of not being able to sustain this marriage?
i guess, it's from both of us
he is from a very nonconventional family (mom left them, dad married 5 times, he left home at 17) while i am from the never been divorced, parents still together kind.
i know i have taken our things for granted, as he has
because of the nature of our careers, we are not together all the time...which actually suits both of us
but we do not take the time to reconnect when he gets off the road
when he gets home, i usually take more work
we also help take care of my parents and stay with them (even tho we have our own place) he has taken great pride in that and is amazing with them
but it has not helped our relationship
THE BIG THING THO - according to him, is that when i get really frustrated with him - i tell him "if you want a divorce, you can have it - i am not going to fight you"
he keeps going back to that and while to me they are just words i don't mean, they may have done serious damage..or that can be just an excuse he needs
i don't know

Words cause serious damage... inflict very deep wounds. I know this from personal experience. Early in my W and I's R, I would use my words to hurt her very effectively. The wounds that I caused even 7 and 8 years ago remain with my W to this day. I never knew how much words could hurt, bc I am not someone who is easily insulted or who really cares what others may think of me. But some people, my W for one, are very sensitive to what others say to or about them.

So what did you do to take H for granted?

Why did you take on "more work" when he was home?

What other problems does he have with your M besides being taken for granted?