DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

[2stepboogie]

Right now she is not playing with a full deck. The way you view her right now is prob the way she has viewed you for a long time. I get so pissed at my W sometimes but I married her right? What did I see in her on that wedding day that made me utter those words? I can sit and list a dozen things about my W that irritate me but what does that accomplish? True love is seeing those things and still CHOOSHING to live them. This is the point in every marriage where the vows are forged in steel. Some will walk away some will chose to stand. Who are u going to be? You loved her enough to make changes you loved her enough to buy the book and you loved her enough to come here and spill out your guts. Now your patience is wearing thin?

Nothing that is easy is worth achieving!!

[2stepboogie]

Still on my phone no spell check sorry

[ScaredinCanada]

Again, I don't disagree. I guess I just never realized the impact of having my love tested like this...

I never expected it to go this far to be totally honest. I believed it would take some time to believe I could change. I think she believes it - but I don't think she cares anymore.

I'm still here, I still love her and I'm not giving up yet. I'm going to book the MC, and I hope this gives us a platform to continue to identify issues and actually address them.

She wants to goto MC, because she believes an MC will convince me that the sitch is what it is and nothing can be done about it. That's why I said I need to be sure we get a good MC.

To my W, she is just marking the days on the calendar until it's over. I know I'll be better for having lived through this no matter what the final outcome is.

[ScaredinCanada]

Of I forgot on the weekend...I made joke in bad taste.

Kids were talking about getting a cat (we aren't cat people, and I don't recall the context of the convo).

I just leaned to my W and said "I'd love to get a cat"...

She looked at me like I was crazy. I just said you need to read between the lines a bit.

She just replied, "your so disgusting".

I didn't think it was that bad, in the sitch I thought it was reasonable. I guess I kind of regreted it after I said it.

She said after, "Maybe you should explain to the kids why you want a cat"? lol

BAH!

[habitacker]

For better or for worse.

The problem is that nobody has any idea when they are getting married what the "worse" could possibly be.

When you all talk about the bad feelings for your wives, and wonder why you even want them? I feel it is because this is the "worse", but you promised to take them that way, and are keeping your word no matter what. It means something to you, as it does me also.

This is where I struggle. "worse" We didn't know what that was going to be. I didn't know I would be the cause of so much of it. I didn't want to do the things or become the person that I did. I am truly sorry, but this is "worse", this is what happens in marriage and life, it doesn't just run smoothly all the time, very little actually. "worse" , we are supposed to go through this together. Anybody can stick around for the "better".

[ScaredinCanada]

I agree. The reality is the things were "good" when we got married, so neither of us probably considered what the "worse" could be...

I'm home alone for the day today, and I had fun with D6 last night, but it was so weird without my W and other 2 D's in the house when I went to bed. I'm struggling with the idea of living on my own (re: by myself) because in reality I NEVER have...

Habit, I don't recall if it was you are someone else who said your W is very stubborn. My W is the most stubborn person I've ever met. It's served her well in most aspects of her life and in our M, but at this point I think it may mean she'll stick to her "gut".

Just got off the phone with the W, due to the huge storm coming our way tonight they are going to stay at the resort for another day. This all assumes I have a snow day tomorrow, and can stay home with my D6 again.

Like I was saying in my previous post, I'm now struggling myself to understand if I still REALLY want to be with my W. The fact that she can so clearly NOT want to be with me, is just a demorilizing feeling. I'm not going to give up until it's over, but I just wonder how long it might take to regain the self confidence lost in this emotional fight.

[2stepboogie]

You will now. The fact that your still asking the question means that it is not yet the time to give up.

[punchy]

My wife is also very stubborn. Once she takes a certain position, it is not likely that she is going to move from it. I have seen this in the past re her work and family interactions.

I see it as being a real impediment on her side with respect to trying to revisit the marriage. It is certainly out of my control, but is still a factor that I have to consider. I will have to tough this out for a prolonged period of time if I am going to have any change of saving the M.

I also wonder how much longer I can keep up the desire to want to be with my wife. Waking up every morning knowing that the most important person in your life wants nothing to do with you is pretty tough. I have been doing this for 15 months now and if it wasn't for my kids I would have pulled the plug along time ago.

After the Bomb wa dropped, I gave myself an 18 month window in terms of trying to save the marriage. Will see where the next 3 months take me. In the end, like you, I will be a better person than the one I was 18 months previous. For that, we can hold our heads high.

[2stepboogie]

"My wife is very stubborn.Once she takes a certain position, it is not likely that she is going to move from it"

Really? She change her mind about being with you forever.

My C told me that. He is right.

[ScaredinCanada]

"My wife is very stubborn.Once she takes a certain position, it is not likely that she is going to move from it"

Really? She change her mind about being with you forever.

My C told me that. He is right.

I appreciate that 2Step, but it's just not the same thing.

It's only been 3 months since the B for me, and about 6 months total (based on the 3 months my W said she was contemplating it). We've got at least 3 months until we make a decision to list the house, and then at least 3 more months until a sale and closing - best case scenario. I guess even then it's just a chance in the sitch, and we still won't be divored, just seperated.

I hope she eventually sees that she can love me, because currently that's what she says is holding her back everytime we have an R talk. Also, even though the R with my mother has been "addressed" it hasn't been resolved, and I'm not really sure how to move it forward. My W doesn't want anything to do with my parents, but at the same time she wants them to involve her if they want to see their grandkids. I need to figure out how to move that R forward...