He didn't end up moving in. By last Thursday he was all ready to come back to the house this weekend and I was preparing for that. He had a conversation with my best friend on Thursday afternoon whilst fixing her computer and it was the first time that she had spoke to him since finding out about his affair with a mutual friend of ours. She was upset about the incident and the fact that they both lied to her face and was prepared to get some answers.
Anyway, they had a long talk about everything and my H told her that he made a mistake with the OW, that they're just friends and it's awkward between them but they want to remain friends and are trying to work that out. I was upset to hear that because he wasn't willing to put that same commitment into our marriage. H also told my friend that he made some big mistakes with how he handled our situation in the summer by moving upstairs etc. and things could have been different. He didn't elaborate as to what could be different.. different between us and our marriage or different in the way he handled the separation ? He was also inquiring about a rumour he had heard about me dating a guy he knows. He said he didn't care if i was, but why ask then ? He also told my friend that I haven't changed. She was very defensive and told him all the things about me that HAVE changed and that i'm happier and look great and smile a lot and i'm very social and active and handling this whole situation amazingly. He hasn't noticed any of this, he's so wrapped up in himself and he said that it proves that i'm better off without him, she was sure to tell him that all this was in motion while we were together and he just refused to see it. She said he just stopped talking after that , like he was thinking and went back to fixing the computer.
The next day I get an email from him saying he won't be moving in for 'various reasons'. What changed from the day before ? Did he ponder the conversation with my friend ? One reason is that he will be house sitting for a friend for a couple of weeks so he'll have a place to stay. He also mentioned that he doesn't think it will be healthy for us to live together. Well we already know that but I'm now curious as to what the other reasons are.
I can't help but think based on conversations that he has with friends that he may be starting to feel the regrets and may still have feelings for me but is worried that if he moves back in that we'll get back together and he is fighting that because we were unhappy and he doesn't want to get back into that situation and he'd rather move on with his life then face that.
Is it unhealthy to think like this ?
I feel rejected again.. I was hoping that with him moving back I would be able to actually show him the difference in me but now I feel like I'm never going to get a second chance.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
