So I spent the weekend reviewing these most recent posts and come up with the following approach. In reviewing the various comments, it is apparent that I was still very much in the pursuing mode. Even when my wife made comments that my actions made her feel guilty or that she didn't want me doing them I continued on. It really came down to my fear of what may happen if I stop doing them.
Clearly I have to overcome my fear and give my wife the space that she needs to sort this thing out. To do this I have come up with the following:
1) Remaining calm, confident and positive at all times. For the most part I have been doing this. Certainly my anger has been shut down 100% and I am no longer an impatient person. the challenge is to always be positive. There have been times when I have been down and sulking in my approach. No more!
2) No more pursuing. No gifts, no favours, no more making her lunch or going out to buy her a coffee first thing in the morning. If she aks me to do a favour or errand, I will glady do it, but no more trying to win back her favour. This has been the hardest thing for me to deal with, because I felt that I needed to do these things because I never did them before the Bomb was dropped.
3) Give her space. No more calling her at work to see how her day is going. If I contact her, it will only be to see that the kids schedules are under control. At home, I will focus on keeping busy with getting things done around the house. Things that in the past she wanted worked on, but I never had the time or interest in getting them done.
4) Be there if needed. I will still work on being a great listener and support. If she wants to talk about her day and vent her frustrations, then I will be there to listen.
5) GAL - this I will continue working on. I think I have been pretty good at this in terms of going to the gym and having other activities outside of the house. Going out for lunch with people at work etc.
Anyway, so that is the plan effective this morning. Stay tuned.
