Albuquerque living part 3:Strapped in for the ride

[angel61]

Hi Alb,

I've been in the same discussion with my H as you regarding D12. I am of the opinion that equal priority and weight should be given to the kids welfare in a sitch, and this is not just between W and H. We also discussed situations, such as:

1. H leaves, goes finds happiness. Me and D unhappy.
2. H stays, me and H unhappy but trying to be friends, D would be OK, or maybe, he leaves, decides he is not happy, comes back.
I did tell him that for me, if the situation were reversed, I would chose #2. I felt that if someone in the family deserved to be happy, it would be D12.

A little background: I know my parents stayed together for the sake of us kids. But we never felt guilty; kids are selfish beings and what matters to them is their safety and stability. But there were a couple of times my mom left for a few days, leaving us with my dad, and me my sister felt awful. Thinking back to those times, I realize that is why I always felt a litte more insecure with my mom's love, and have a special spot for my dad.

I shared my experiences with my H.

He seemed very thoughtful after our talk (this was last Sunday), and just like your H, the next day after picking up D from school seemed nice and cooked dinner.

Its really hard for us not to try to fix them, I realize too and have been told about what I did by the vets, telling me I am fostering the "parent child " relationsip. That I should teach more by example. At least, in our cases, our H's see how much we have grown and tell us about it, and even ask why (mine too, just like yours!) That means to say we are being observed!

Just hang in there, DB, show examples of how you are able to grow.... and think of the little baby steps...