2step, Denver, FOBD, xabian, Bworl, Sandi for giving me info/feedback ... and all the people on the newcomer board whose threads I read to learn from and get more ideas as well as support.
I don't know how I would've survived even this much of what I've been through without all of you.
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
2step, Denver, FOBD, xabian, Bworl, Sandi for giving me info/feedback ... and all the people on the newcomer board whose threads I read to learn from and get more ideas as well as support.
I don't know how I would've survived even this much of what I've been through without all of you.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DITTO ALL of that!!!!
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
She asked for a kiss last night .... then today said that she hasn't picked an apartment yet because she "is afraid of change". Yeah, the woman who wants to split up her family, sell our house, etc. etc. is so afraid of change.
I really feel like just telling her to leave already. I'm sick of her telling me she is leaving and then she doesn't. Then everytime I see she's looking for apartments again it causes my heart to skip a beat. Like I have everything figured out and am ready for what's next ..... then I get these momentary fearful moments because of something she does.
I really don't like her right now. She's not somebody I would want to have a relationship with.
Is this a normal stage of DBing?
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
I would imagine she is as confused and scared as you are right now. I would imagine she has no idea which way is up or down. Like you've heard a million times over and over do you and the rest will fall into place.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
She asked for a kiss last night .... then today said that she hasn't picked an apartment yet because she "is afraid of change". Yeah, the woman who wants to split up her family, sell our house, etc. etc. is so afraid of change.
I really feel like just telling her to leave already. I'm sick of her telling me she is leaving and then she doesn't. Then everytime I see she's looking for apartments again it causes my heart to skip a beat. Like I have everything figured out and am ready for what's next ..... then I get these momentary fearful moments because of something she does.
I really don't like her right now. She's not somebody I would want to have a relationship with.
Is this a normal stage of DBing?
Absolutely normal 1Step. My W was an absolute b*tch in the few weeks just prior and just after her move. It really took the physical separation and about 3 weeks of darkness for her to begin to come out of whatever fog she was in. She was just hateful and cold. While I was an emotional basket case and completely devastated, I wouldn't have wanted to spend one more minute with her that way. But, for me, instead of getting angry at her, I turned that anger inwards bc I knew that I had drawn this mean, cold, and hateful person out of her by the way that I had treated her.
BITS DEnver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
It's not easy, we all understand that. Our spouse was always the one we could count on for positive strokes that picked US up when we were down. Now they seem to say whatever pops in their mind, with NO regard for how deeply it cuts.
You've said it a couple of times; she's nuts. Some here have called those wandering spouses "batchit crazy." Probably an apt description.
Find a way to walk away from such conversations. And don't hesitate, once in awhile, for restating YOUR position.
You have to learn to have very thick skin if you hope to weather this thing.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
See my W was not hateful or mean ever! Even when she left our last night together we spent in bed crying. When I got up to leave the next morning for the weekend because of duty I kissed her on the cheek and said I hope you wait till sunday W. I turned around to leave and she said H......I love you. I said I love you too. She has never been mean or hateful to me throughout the whole process.
Trust me it would of been so much easier if she were, being nice and crying on the phone has really made me feel worse.
She has gotten angry but even when she has blown her top he has apologized for hurting me.
1 step, reading through your post - you must be one of the best DB'ers ever. So consistent!
Just continue doing what you have started. The sitches seem to plateau and then cycle up and down at that level!
Its the crazy maker time... hang in there.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
