Need Insight V

[angel61]

Pickle, when you fight fire with fire it gets worse. That's from my D12, during the early part of my sitch when I was accusing my H of everything your W is guilty of. Let me tell you a story: when my D12 was around 3-4 yrs old, I once told her to put away her toys. She refused. I threatened to throw away her toys if she did not. She still refused. I went to bed fuming at my hardheaded little daughter, determined to carry out my threat. When I awoke, the floor was clear of toys. Imagine my surprise though when I found them in the trash! Now I had to search for another way, maybe a gentler way, to discipline her, as she effectively took away my weapon!

If when she spews venom, you do not fight back, she will then find that it is ineffective. You take away her weapons.

At this point, can you just let a day or two pass where you retreat into each others room, have a "do not disturb" sign on your door or something, so you can think and not be in each others face?

I don't see anyting wrong in your stance where you say you cannot live with her while she is carying on an affair. That is very painful. Let her know that it would hurt you and since she started this in the first place, she should give consideration to your feelings as well. But to call her names will just close her mind to whatever you are saying.

Also, think of how abnormal this situation will be for your kids. That is what I told my H as well ... remember he wanted the same things as your W?

But ultimately, it is her choice, with conditions from your side, if you so wish, and can apply.

Divorce takes time, so you still have time to plant the seeds of doubt i her mind... Also, you can contest the divorce or whatever it takes to buy more time, I guess. Don't know uch about that yet. Hope never to need to know.

Unless inside you you really want her gone already. And I don't blame you if you do, but again, we are all here to save the family and not give up.