Till death do us part... or she leaves...

[zengypsy]

Thanks FOBD - it was VERY helpful and insightful. I'm going to print as a reminder for everyday reflection.

One question...did this friend of your ever go thru with the D? I like when he said "Just make yourself look like a positive road to take as she stands there at this "fork in the road of life." She may take your fork or she may not. But, if the option isn't there for her, she will never come home."

It just reaffirms why I feel the strong need to keep the door open for my H, even tho my D is going to happen. People have criticized me for doing this saying why would you do that, he doesn't want you, you need to move on etc. Your friend gave me the educated retort I can use now.

Thanks for this; really.

[2stepboogie]

that is some great info I appreciate you sharing it with us. I wish I could sit down and meet with a WAS myself. I think i would ask the same questions. Thanks FOBD this brought some comfort to me in a day I really needed it

[FellOnBlackDays]

Zen and 2step,
Glad you enjoyed it. It makes me feel good to know that I helped someone today. I advise trying this yourself. Go out there and find a WAS and grill them. I am sure you probably know at least one somewhere. Pick their brains. It will help you to better prepare for interactions with your WAS. I feel soooooo much more prepared after speaking with him. And this is the most important part. After speaking with him, I honest feel like I can better understand my W now. Amazing what one dinner conversation can do!!

Zen, to answer your question, no. They ended up reconciling before the D was final. He told me that after he went home, they had a ceremonial burning of the D papers together to symbolize their new dedication to each other. Tonight I will go to bed and hope that you too get to have a nice funeral pyre for your papers!!!

BITS!

FOBD

[Denver_2010]

It's too bad you live in the Gulf state Cause I think a night out on the town with the bits would be so awesome! We would all laugh and drink and by midnight we would all be in the fetal position with our thumbs in our mouth crying like a bunch of dirty infants. LOL.

THAT... was HILARIOUS 2Step... seriously made me laugh out loud here in my empty house! Thanks man!!

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Thanks for sharing the info that you got from your buddy who was a WAS. I think it can be very useful to every LBS.

BITS
Denver

[mj144]

Slightly encouraging to me, however the one really large detractor to me and my sitch is the fact that this is the 3rd time we have come to this dance. His comments about how much stronger the M will be after, well we didn't 2x so she has that much more doubt about things. I found DB and DR the last 2x, but just didn't follow through.

I will re-read your conversation a few more times. Maybe reading it over and over will help some of it resonate more in my head. Just can't shake the negative, though.

B.I.T.S.

[dixiegal]

fobd,

Wow! I like the post from the WAS...It confirms everything we struggle with....

I have one girlfriend who was a WAS. However, she never left the home but, did have an PA. After 3mos and after she ended it, she told her H she was leaving. They started MC. It all came out in C. So, she never left but, she was real awful to her H for 3 years....Today, they are doing very well. Till this day she goes once a month herself to see a C. She calls it a check up.

She said, that was real ugly and said hurtful things to her H. Because, she lashed out at him and blamed him for everything. This was so she didnt have to face her own crap. She said, she also made him out to be the bad guy in everything. It was only through C that she started to deal with the real issues.

She told me the same to just stay dark...cause, H doesnt want to hear anything I say right now. That like her he has made himself believe that this is the correct thing to do and he will be happier...

Im glad your doing better!

[dixiegal]

By the way....

I cant post anything on my thread...there is not a box for me to??? What do I do?

[ScaredinCanada]

Dixiegal, sounds like time to start a new thread!

FOBD sorry to hear your struggling. Like I was saying a while back, I've almost completely avoided the alcohol. My emotions and alcohol do not mix (sounds similar to you and probably many people).

Although I have been tempted a few times, because it is an escape. Just hold it together, and eventually things will get better for you. I keep telling myself the same thing.

For now I try to be positive, and spend time with my girls. W comes and goes when it comes to interacting with me, but her focus is still on ending our M.

[Truegritter]

Wait. I know you don't want to hear that. But, if you love her and you want it to work out, you are going to have to wait for her to find her way back to you. There is no silver bullet here. Anyone who tried to push me home, I dismissed them in my mind. Just keep making positive changes that she can see. Don't be a jerk. Don't cry in front of her or push her to talk about the M. Just make yourself look like a positive road to take as she stands there at this "fork in the road of life." She may take your fork or she may not. But, if the option isn't there for her, she will never come home.

That's it right there friends^^^^^

It is all YOUR choice and you are not guaranteed the outcome.