Till death do us part... or she leaves...

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS,
Hey, ole' FOBD here. Have you ever gone to a party, gotten drunk and made a complete *ss of yourself? Well, that is the way I feel right now. I want to apologize to you guys for my post last night. I am just now reading it and I am somewhat embarrassed. Please, accept my apology.

Funny though. In my stupor last night, I wrote myself a note that I found this morning on the bathroom counter. It read, "Dude, you stopped yourself from calling W tonight and turned to forum." I guess I was worried that I would not remember. So, it wasn't all bad last night I guess.

Things aren't as bad as I would like to believe. I just let the moment get to me last night. Lost, you are correct. I really, really think I have to find a way to control my drinking. I keep thinking I can drink her away and I cannot. I had to skip the gym today because of how I felt. Not good. I also want to apologize for the unprofessional reference to the OM. Honestly, I don't know if she really slept with him or not. I am letting my imagination get the best of me. And, I don't want him to drop dead. That was a horrible thing to say. I don't particularly care for this fellow. I think you have to be a pretty big piece of sh*t to prey on another man's wife when she is in a bad place, but I don't want him to drop dead regardless.

All right, on to the other business. Well, it has been three days and no contact from W. We talking on Thursday about getting together this weekend to move some more stuff. But, as we were hanging up, she stated, "Well, just touch base with me this weekend to set something up." I refuse to do this. She is trying to make me do the calling. She is trying to get back in control. I will not give her this control. I avoided her all weekend and, as I expected, no contact. She wants me to chase again. I don't know how to tell her this, but IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. I am not the one that wants more stuff from the house. I am happy here with what I have. If she wants stuff from me, she is going to have to do the calling. As heart-broken and sad as I am, I will not chase. I will not!

Today with my grandmother was kind of hard. She cried quite a bit, but did take it fairly well. I did not break down in front of her. I stood strong. Actually, I did most of my crying on the drive up which took 90 minutes. By the time I got to her place, I was emotionally exhausted and all cried out. She was so sweet. She immediately started telling me how to win my W back. She told me that I have to start "courting" my W like I did when we were dating. She is so cute. No one says "courting" any more. She made me promise her to do everything in my power to get my W back. I promised her I would. We ate lunch together and spent the afternoon watching TV. I wish I could spend more time with her. She told me that when she hugs me I make her feel safe. I love you, grandma!!

I am going to end here and start another post because this is getting long. But I do want to share with everyone the very insightful information I gathered last night.