Read through my thread. I understand shame and talked about it awhile back. It's perfectly natural.
I'm sorry that you had a bad weekend. I am so proud of you, though, that you did so well for your daughter and her party. That was so hard for you and we all know it and you did it!
The patience thing is definitely hard. For some more than others but definitely hard. I think many of us go into this panic mode, we convince ourselves that this is our last chance, and the patience goes out the window. Nothing is that cut and dry. Nothing. You know what I started doing to help me with this expectations thing? I started imagining my life without my H. I started looking at houses and where I wanted to live. I even got some decorating magazines and imagined how I would decorate. I just started re-writing the script a little bit. I find facing my fears makes me less scared (I'm still scared but I'm better). I used to hate swimming. I was deathly afraid of the water even after I learned how to swim. So, I decided one day to get my lifeguard certification. It works for me, I don't know why. Maybe it will work for you. And when I say imagine your life... I mean imagine a good life. Do not let yourself believe it will all be cr&p from here on in because that isn't true.
I do not believe under any circumstance that your situation is hopeless in the least. So please do not misinterpret what I am saying. I just want you to know right now that you are going to be ok.
