Quote: I know very well that I send a very poor message of what my m is like here and paint an unfair pick of h. Things aren't always what they seem...sure there are times when I'm less than thrilled with this m...show me one stay at home mom of kiddos my age who has no complaints and then I'll believe this is a lost cause.
I know I have asked you this before, but I still think that part of the problem is that you are not happy with your decision to be a stay-at-home mom. It seems to me you have, with very good intentions, put your life on hold until your children grow up and feel... let's say caged. Then your dissatisfaction spills over all the aspects of your life...
Quote: 5 years is a total different ball game in the life of LL...in 5 years the kids will be 9 and 7...a bit more independant, going to school most of the day (thus enabling LL a bit more time for herself to get a haircut stress free and baby sitter free...to go to the gym etc)
add a few more years onto that and you've got LL potentially seeking at least a part time job (someones gotta be around during the summer and vacations) preferable within the school system to allow me to still be around for the kids...
add on some more and LL may be able to put the degree her mother worked (ok and dad too) to pay for, to good use...
add a few more years on and LL may just get herself a masters and go ahead and take on that career she's been so afraid of...#1 cause she still hasn't gotten her own crap together yet and #2 cause so many baulk at her choice
add on a few more years and the kids will be grown and LL's life can be whatever she wants...if she wants to go out to dinner with her h (or heck even without) she wont need a sitter...heck by then her kids may have kids of thier own.
Life is short, LL, why wait? You may not be able to do all those things at once, but can you not start working on them? Make yourself happy for a change? Start putting 'the crap' (whatever it is) together?
No man is perfect, there are no knights in white chargers, there never were. The knights of old had rotten teeth, smelled horrible (one or two baths a year) and ate with their hands and knives...
Life sounds better in romance novels, I know. But nobody can make us happy... If your H were the most romantic man in the world and you were not happy with your decisions in life, you'd find reasons to complain. We all do. I have seen it too many times to doubt it...
Anyway, I think imp is right, you need to do something to get yourself out of this cycle/trap. And that something needs to start with you, with looking at your life and your plans with a beginner's mind. Determine how you want to shape your life and how to do realistically, then start to do it. Your H may or may not fit into that life, but you will not know until to start to live it.
You joke about the WAW thing, but it appears to me a clear and present danger. And you are very free to quit your M whenever you want... but let it be for the right reasons, not because you think 'the grass will be greener on the other side of the fence.' You've suffered and learned too much to fall in that trap.
Sorry for the long post... And of course you may say I am not the best one to preach... But as you just told Sage BELIEVE IN YOURSELF (there, kitti, is your low blow... )
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
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