I have no intentions of removing h from his home or from this family...however I also have no intentions of waiting forever for h to "show up" if ya know what I mean...even that statement doesn't mean I will ever leave...it simply means eventually if/when h does come around...will it matter any more? will I care? or will I simply be going through the motions?
do i not even know how to deliver a low blow? ah well lostlove my humor needs work - albeit dark
the questions you ask? those are in the future, future to me is a non issue anymore because anything can happen then - heaven forbid but husband could die, he could get into a horrible accident and be crippled, or vice versa - so i am learning to live today
what can i do today to make ME better and more able to handle the cards i have been dealt
if i consistantly think of what if's my life will be miserable forever
I do believe that h was "waiting" for me to get home last night. (I went out to sing kareokee with mom and a friend) h was asleep on the couch but not sound asleep...awake enough that he heard me come in...he "seemed" a tad grumpy but I ignored it...went to bed...and then he spooned me.
hmmmm? does he infact give a crap? does he feel threatened? does he want me here? I think the answer to those questions despite the fact that it's not blatantly obvious is a resounding YUP! now of course it would be nice if he would just say so...but I do recall when he first started comming home if I had made plans and he then decided he wanted to come see me I told him he should let me know..or that it was ok to ask me to stay home..didn't mean I would but that it was ok to ask. that's just not his style though and I suppose that's ok too.
h is off with son right now delivering some firewood and then I believe we are going to attempt to hang the chritmas lights outside (hopefully dd will take a nap cause she doesn't like to go outside...2 min and she's walking back in the door claiming..."too cold mamma") and possibly go pick up a tree.
Tommorow is the football game that I am supposed to go to with h...after some stress we found a sitter but the weather may not allow us to go (think it may also have something to do with the fact that the game means little as they've already made it into the play offs) mil will come to watch the kids anyway..so she'll either be here so that I can go outside with son to play and not have to worry bout dd and the "cold" or maybe just maybe I might suggest to h that we "take advantage" and go down the street to the local place to watch the game distraction free?
anywho...
I know very well that I send a very poor message of what my m is like here and paint an unfair pick of h. Things aren't always what they seem...sure there are times when I'm less than thrilled with this m...show me one stay at home mom of kiddos my age who has no complaints and then I'll believe this is a lost cause.
no h may never be the man of my dreams...but I didn't marry him while I was asleep now did I. Sure he could be a bit more "present" a bit more often...but there is still time for that...
Quote: no h may never be the man of my dreams...but I didn't marry him while I was asleep now did I. Sure he could be a bit more "present" a bit more often...but there is still time for that...
Sounds like you are hoping for a miracle. What you see is what you get.
I guess the main question I have is this. What exactly are you doing to change your situation? Merely sitting back and hoping for a change is not a successful strategy.
Let's not be pissy. A direct answer would be nice. I have seen people do exactly what you are doing, ie nothing. It doesn't work. All I have been trying to tell you is that you need to change the dance. Did I say anything about tossing you H out on his ass...I don't think so. I wouldn't be on a board called DB if I didn't think marriages are worth saving. I am trying to engage you in a discussion, but you don't really want to discuss. Remember the basic tenet of DB is that is something isn't working, do something different.
LL, I know I can be provocative. But it comes because I tend to be very direct. I want you to be happy and quite frankly, I would want you to be happy in your marriage and family. At this point you aren't and you afraid to change the situation.
Shawshank Redemption. What a great flick. Tim Robbins told Morgan Freeman in the prison yard, "You have to get busy living or get busy dying".
Quote: I know very well that I send a very poor message of what my m is like here and paint an unfair pick of h. Things aren't always what they seem...sure there are times when I'm less than thrilled with this m...show me one stay at home mom of kiddos my age who has no complaints and then I'll believe this is a lost cause.
I know I have asked you this before, but I still think that part of the problem is that you are not happy with your decision to be a stay-at-home mom. It seems to me you have, with very good intentions, put your life on hold until your children grow up and feel... let's say caged. Then your dissatisfaction spills over all the aspects of your life...
Quote: 5 years is a total different ball game in the life of LL...in 5 years the kids will be 9 and 7...a bit more independant, going to school most of the day (thus enabling LL a bit more time for herself to get a haircut stress free and baby sitter free...to go to the gym etc)
add a few more years onto that and you've got LL potentially seeking at least a part time job (someones gotta be around during the summer and vacations) preferable within the school system to allow me to still be around for the kids...
add on some more and LL may be able to put the degree her mother worked (ok and dad too) to pay for, to good use...
add a few more years on and LL may just get herself a masters and go ahead and take on that career she's been so afraid of...#1 cause she still hasn't gotten her own crap together yet and #2 cause so many baulk at her choice
add on a few more years and the kids will be grown and LL's life can be whatever she wants...if she wants to go out to dinner with her h (or heck even without) she wont need a sitter...heck by then her kids may have kids of thier own.
Life is short, LL, why wait? You may not be able to do all those things at once, but can you not start working on them? Make yourself happy for a change? Start putting 'the crap' (whatever it is) together?
No man is perfect, there are no knights in white chargers, there never were. The knights of old had rotten teeth, smelled horrible (one or two baths a year) and ate with their hands and knives...
Life sounds better in romance novels, I know. But nobody can make us happy... If your H were the most romantic man in the world and you were not happy with your decisions in life, you'd find reasons to complain. We all do. I have seen it too many times to doubt it...
Anyway, I think imp is right, you need to do something to get yourself out of this cycle/trap. And that something needs to start with you, with looking at your life and your plans with a beginner's mind. Determine how you want to shape your life and how to do realistically, then start to do it. Your H may or may not fit into that life, but you will not know until to start to live it.
You joke about the WAW thing, but it appears to me a clear and present danger. And you are very free to quit your M whenever you want... but let it be for the right reasons, not because you think 'the grass will be greener on the other side of the fence.' You've suffered and learned too much to fall in that trap.
Sorry for the long post... And of course you may say I am not the best one to preach... But as you just told Sage BELIEVE IN YOURSELF (there, kitti, is your low blow... )
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
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