I do believe that h was "waiting" for me to get home last night. (I went out to sing kareokee with mom and a friend) h was asleep on the couch but not sound asleep...awake enough that he heard me come in...he "seemed" a tad grumpy but I ignored it...went to bed...and then he spooned me.
hmmmm? does he infact give a crap? does he feel threatened? does he want me here? I think the answer to those questions despite the fact that it's not blatantly obvious is a resounding YUP! now of course it would be nice if he would just say so...but I do recall when he first started comming home if I had made plans and he then decided he wanted to come see me I told him he should let me know..or that it was ok to ask me to stay home..didn't mean I would but that it was ok to ask. that's just not his style though and I suppose that's ok too.
h is off with son right now delivering some firewood and then I believe we are going to attempt to hang the chritmas lights outside (hopefully dd will take a nap cause she doesn't like to go outside...2 min and she's walking back in the door claiming..."too cold mamma") and possibly go pick up a tree.
Tommorow is the football game that I am supposed to go to with h...after some stress we found a sitter but the weather may not allow us to go (think it may also have something to do with the fact that the game means little as they've already made it into the play offs) mil will come to watch the kids anyway..so she'll either be here so that I can go outside with son to play and not have to worry bout dd and the "cold" or maybe just maybe I might suggest to h that we "take advantage" and go down the street to the local place to watch the game distraction free?
anywho...
I know very well that I send a very poor message of what my m is like here and paint an unfair pick of h. Things aren't always what they seem...sure there are times when I'm less than thrilled with this m...show me one stay at home mom of kiddos my age who has no complaints and then I'll believe this is a lost cause.
no h may never be the man of my dreams...but I didn't marry him while I was asleep now did I. Sure he could be a bit more "present" a bit more often...but there is still time for that...
