You are making alot of sense to me right now. Right before my H moved back home for the final time is when I got really angry with him and went dark, dark,dark. He would call and I wouldn't answer and leave me messages just to hear my voice on the machine. He told me that he was afraid of loosing me.
THIS was what brought him back to you; AND caused him to put his MLC on hold. His fear overrode his need to continue his journey.
Don't beat yourself to pieces; this was NOT your fault.
Quote:
My son and H went out tonight for a couple of beers. Before my H went to pickup my son, I opened my big mouth. The tension got to me and I told him that I won't live my life like this and I deserve happiness and someone to love me. He told me "didn't we just have this conversation a week ago?" So I don't know if he is going to get a D or work on us.
Listen to what Snodderly is saying...this is NOT going to last forever; but if you push him before he is ready to come to you; he could leave again; and maybe carry through what he spoke to you about..a divorce.
When you spoke to him; that was PURSUIT; and you'll need to draw back, focus on yourself and your family...and say nothing else to him.
This is STILL all about him; and it has nothing to do with you.
One of the most important lessons I learned out of his MLC; was to keep my mouth shut and let him come to ME.
Until I learned this small detail, there were many times that I said things that pushed him backward; taking me with him.
I was PUSHING him; and me approaching him was PURSUIT.
It was not until I simply got on with my life; and left him behind to deal with himself, and I did NOT have to say one word to him...he started forward more steadily.
I understand the frustration; I was there, too, at one time...but there came a time when I left it ALL alone; stopped waiting on him, got on with my life; knowing he would follow when HE got ready; and not until.
It was more of the same; when his processing got interrupted; but then I had GAL'ing down good; and was able to survive on my own and hold my own with him...during that time, he was bothering ME more than I was ever bothering him.
The "dance" had changed steps; he was pursuing me; instead of the other way around.
It's going to be ok; it's just going to take a little longer...keep your patience intact.
Like she said, he will come to you when it's time and not before.
Take care.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
