Is the tide turning???????

[goodattitudegirl]

Thank you CW, dixiegal, Sanderika, Missher, Mila, Cas, Seeking, Rabbit, and Antonia for your continued encouragement and insights!

First of all I want to say that I laughed out loud at work when I read what Rabbit wrote after my post about X-MIL’s birthday party.

Your H is so dead meat lol! Well he’d have to be a eunuch not to surrender to you GAG….

LOVED THAT!!!!!!!! One of my co-workers looked at me like I was nuts, giggling to myself.

Last week he was very engaging and flirty on his own. This week he was very stand-offish and behaving more cold, like they get when they feel we are getting too close.

Secondly, I want to clarify something that I don’t think was clear in my TT debriefing this week. XH was actually in a happier mood at TT this week compared to last week but he may have been preoccupied (as Sanderika thought) about something. I lost an earring on the way into the community center, thought it might have fallen onto my coat or clothes, so asked XH to look to see if he could find it. He said “Do you want me to give you a full body search or something?” I said “Yea!” and I pulled my coat open and motioned to my neck and shirt. He didn’t seem like he wanted to nuzzle my neck or anything but he did accommodate my request and look for the earring……however, I think his word choice (i.e. full body search) was interesting. ……….

For the past 3 weeks or so I’ve been seeing a new pattern in my TT games with XH --- he seems to joke around less during play --- and I am wondering if that change is because my play is improving and he has to concentrate more to keep winning (this is a guess --- I am not certain of this). Many of our games are close……I probably need to refocus on how best to take advantage of the time BEFORE and AFTER the games for reconnecting with XH.

I have been thinking about what Sanderika, Missher, and Rabbit have written about the most effective way to proceed with moving toward more intimate contact with XH.

The Masculine approach Missher suggests (I may be wrong) is that you move at an aggressive rate towards XH sexually.

I have read all of your posts several times and my gut tells me is that I need to be the aggressor physically, but for now that physical contact needs to appear to be innocent or accidental.

What I think is appropriate is looping her arm into his when walking closely together, touching his arm when he is showing her is ipad, resting her hand on his leg as she gets closer to see what he is pointing too, pressing her body into his when they hug....Additionally, telling him that she likes for him to touch her....

I like ALL of these ideas Missher. I brushed my leg against XH’s leg while looking at his iPad and it seemed to work very well. I plan to do all of the others too. Based on how timid XH was to initiate kissing and sexual contact at the beginning of our romance, but then jumped in totally after I initiated those, my gut tells me that the only way we will become more intimate emotionally and physically is if I initiate. My gut tells me that more preliminary flirtations over the next few weeks will give me a sense for where Mr. GAG is with respect to his openness to more intimate contact before we get to that crossroad. An attempt at a real kiss could be a possibility in the not so distant future.

The difference in GAG's sitch is that she is already divorced.....physical contact or sexual contact will not come across as a means to prevent him from leaving her, he is already gone. He has his freedom......she is trying to ATTRACT him back.......

I think this observation is key to my dynamic with Mr. GAG. I think that if GF#2 really IS out of the picture, that XH will respond very differently to these overtures than he might have over the past few months.

What are the dynamics between XH and BMF's XW?

Sanderika, this is a good question. I really think that they are like brother and sister. She talks incessantly and isn’t his type.

Rabbit, from your post it sounds as though you see parallels between your reconnection with Mr. Rabbit and my current interactions with Mr. GAG. I am very interested in your suggestions.

I seduced him then kept leaving little titbits, he kept coming back to visit the cat and staying longer and longer..

I’m wondering if it makes a difference that you had Mr. Rabbit coming to your home. So far, Mr. GAG doesn’t seem to want to come to my house (our former home) too easily. I dropped hint about stopping by my house to taste test some new olive oil I bought. I’ll let that percolate a bit and see if anything comes of it. Do you think I can make the same transition that you did by going out to restaurants after TT with XH? He won’t be able to stay longer and longer like Mr. Rabbit did because the restaurant has to close sometime.

After he’s missed you we need to find more situations to keep him in your company longer,….

I agree! I bought 2 of our local metropolitan magazines to look for events and new restaurants in the area. XH told me at the bday party that he is trying to learn Spanish (I think he’s trying to stimulate his brain). I studied Spanish in high school so maybe I can suggest a field trip to a Mexican restaurant for him to practice. I’m thinking finger food and a chance to feed Mr. GAG. I just started taking French cooking classes and have decided to try to learn some French. Thinking that I can start keeping our TT scores in Spanish and French. Thinking that at the end of the night I can whisper sweetly in Mr. GAG’s ear “Bonne nuit, Mr. GAG”.

A couple more miscellaneous notes to add:
---when I saw XH’s iPad photo album, I saw that our professional wedding photos were among the photos there.
---when XH walked me to my car after the birthday party he said “There’s a place in heaven for you”. That was interesting…………..From an attraction perspective I’m not sure whether that’s good or bad.

In retrospect it seems that things have been moving forward with XH over the past 6 weeks since I began flirting with XH and we’ve spent more time together. I plan to not initiate contact with XH until he contacts me or until our TT game Wednesday, whichever occurs first.

GAG