Still on the border of Neverland

[Twink]

Grace, thanks. There is definitely an imbalance of openness, if you will. I am working to rebalance that, for my own good.

Beatrice, you have, in few words, described my sad H perfectly.

Yesterday I realized that my feelings of the last couple of weeks were not really in response to H's careless and thoughtless actions. They were the last two years of stuff screaming out for attention. I have soldiered my way through my mother's strokes and death, my H's leaving, my D's problems, and the loss of my pets, because at each turn I needed to be strong for something else. Now much of that is gone, and the chickens have come home to roost, as they say. My instinct was to step back from H even before I came to this realization. Now I see how much processing I need to do, and how important it is right now to pull my focus back to me as much as possible.

As has been said many times here -- be still, and the answers will come.