Detachment issues

[AntoniaB]

Thanks Augtan and GAG. I just feel numb over this. I just felt so shaky when I opened the packet and my sister, who happened to be here, said that was probably adrenaline. I haven't really reacted. She was really upset. She just kept saying "I can't believe this is happening. None of us can believe it."

If any of you remember the whole thing that happened weeks ago where I found out that she contacted my exH--she and I talked about this in person y-day. As it turns out he left out a VERY big chunk of the email she sent him when he told me "exactly what was in her message." He left out the opening, where she told him it was so difficult for her to say what she was saying to him because she grew up with him and felt he was her brother, and that she was far closer to him than our brother, and that it broke her heart to think she would never see him again.

He left that part out.

She said when he responded to her, she saw only the last line of the email which jumped out at her: "I love Antonia but I'm not in love with her. I'm in love with OW." At that point, my sister gave the email to a coworker and said "I can't read this. Would you please read it?" Her coworker did, and she said her coworker said "I've never seen such an arrogant pr*ck" in all of my life. Don't read it. There is no point. It's all about how he's a victim."

So my sister has never read it. She also said that when I didn't respond to his text on our anniversary that he contacted her and was "frantic." He thought I had done something crazy. But despite his claim to be scared for me, he actually had the guts to say to my sister, "Look, I was going to contact her on Christmas, but if you tell me that she is ok right now I promise I won't contact her." Bribing her?

Wow.

You know, I don't care what he says about how much he has his act together. This stuff all speaks otherwise.

But despite all of that, I guess I'm just in a bit of shock about being divorced. I never in a million years imagined that my life with him, my so-called perfect life, the vows I took for life, would come to this. I'm just a deer in headlights today.

And on top of that, for the first time in a very long time, I got sick last night with a terrible cough and feel a flu or something coming on. Everything is just unreal.