no backsliding you were holding tight to what you need to do to get through this sorry if he doesn't like it and i know, just when we think we are getting better with things, something will happen to set us back good days/bad days hang in there you can do this xo
Why do you think you were backsliding? Was it because of the texts or because of your reaction to the texts?
We are married to the same guy right now. They are struggling with the independence. I had yet another run in with mine this morning over the same issue.
You need to do this right now because you are trying to get yourself back. You cannot worry about his reaction to it. Easier said than done, I know because I struggle like you do. But you still must go on. He is going to continue fighting you on this. So, you must be prepared for it. I figured mine would back off, but he is just getting worse. The thing is, there is a lot of doubt in our minds as to why they are acting the way they are (at least for me) so our only choice right now is to keep going. Set your goals and continue keeping your eye on that goal.
(((big hugs))) I know this is so hard. We all know this is so hard. You just continue to do the best you can. You are doing so well and you know what you want.
Well I haven’t been on here for 2 days b/c I have been on this stupid rollercoaster ride and I have not been able to make any sense of this crap. So bear with me if I start to ramble on. On Thursday H texts that he is going down to the coast for the animal auction on Friday, can he take S11 with him. I said sure. So yesterday he shows up about 2 hrs late to pick up S. He had texted me a few times and I knew he was going to be late. Anyways, off they go. H, S and H’s friend. The drive takes about 5 hours. H must have texted me every time they stopped. Nothing really important, just texts. His friend called me when they got there to let me know they were there and safe. Then about 3 hours later H started texting again. Just simple stuff like S is eating mega candy and hyper. I bought him toothpaste...blah blah blah!
At one point I told him I was busy and I would talk to him later. Couple hours later we text again and he tells me S had his first cab ride and so on. Eventually I just stopped texting b/c i really didn’t want to talk anymore. And then it happened! I was in bed playing on the computer when I get this text at 12:30am...here’s a head game, i miss you so much right now, im sorry. I texted back, i don’t know what to say to that. H: did not think you would even respond but i do Me: sorry but i am speechless H: that’s ok
Well holy crap, I do not know what to do with this. It is all so typical of him. If he can’t get the fight he will try to get to my heart. The whole thing had me up most of the night. I just wanted to ring his neck. He should be here soon to drop off S and I really don’t know what to do. Very lost these last couple of days. I feel myself backsliding because I can feel emotions coming out that I do not want out. I am keeping to my boundaries but am wondering if I should talk to him face to face because he seems to be having a weak moment...or is this his plan to get me softened up so he gets control back of the sitch????I just don’t know!!! I have been reading other sitchs and my head is so messed up I can’t even comment on much! I hate feeling like this.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
Well H dropped off S11 last night around 5:30. His friend came in the house for a minute but that was it. I was having a convo with my S and he told me that while they were away, H left him in the hotel room til at least midnight so H and friend could go the bar and drink. WTF? This is the first sleep over he has had with either kid and he leaves him in a strange city so he can go drinking. Are you kidding me????
I don't care if H thinks it was safe. y sons cell is on my account so I was looking at his useage. s was texting H the whole time he was gone. Is that not a clue that maybe you should be with your S and not at a bar? I want so badly to phone him and give him an earful right now. I am so angry with him. Did he think S wouldn't tell me?
I really don't kmow what to do here. So I am not doing anything right now. Stupid a$$....
grr...I did have a good sleep last night and I feel better.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
H just texted me b/c he wants to go and have R talk. I am not sure if I can do this yet. Right now is not a good time b/c I am angry about the above post. I think I would just snap on him.
And I do know that there are lots of you guys on here that would love to hear your WAS want the R talk, but this has been going on for years. Him leaving and then wanting to come home....over and over again. Sometimes he wants to come home because he wants things...like the computer or tools or sex or whatever it might be. Then when he gets it he goes right back to his selfish detached a$$ again.
I need some real feelings and a real commitment from him. I do not know if he is capable of doing that. It is so very frustrating .
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
Hugs to you, Wanda. Just because he wants to have an R talk right now doesn't mean he gets what he wants automatically. If you feel it would do more harm than good, make him wait a week or 2. If he really wants to come home, then he needs to respect the fact that you need a bit of time. Don't say that of course. You can just say it's a busy week, you have a lot going on.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
Hugs to you, Wanda. Just because he wants to have an R talk right now doesn't mean he gets what he wants automatically. If you feel it would do more harm than good, make him wait a week or 2. If he really wants to come home, then he needs to respect the fact that you need a bit of time. Don't say that of course. You can just say it's a busy week, you have a lot going on.
Great advice Hope!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Are you going to confront him about leaving your son? I think that is a serious problem that you need to deal with. I COMPLETELY understand you getting upset about that. My only advice is keep that conversation SEPARATE from the R discussion. I think that requires two different conversations.
It's obvious that you are not ready to talk about the R yet. As Hope rightfully said, no one can make you either. You told me before that this will be all done on your time. Make sure you stick with that. It's all about you now, Wanda. If you are not seeing what you need to see, then don't let anyone push you.
(((Hugs))) I know you are in pain and I'm so sorry. I am praying for you...
i agree with both hope and lost you do need to have that convo about your son and i do realize the thought may make your stomach turn...but you have every right when it comes to your childs welfare and don't have any conversations you do not want to have at this time there's nothing wrong with you calling the shots sleep well on this cold sunday lots of good thoughts from me to you it's nice that we are here for each other
