Having a hard time... II

[2stepboogie]

In the beginning I thought every conversation had to do with the M I kept getting shut down and I kept getting depressed. Insanity....repeat the same behavior and expect different results.

My goal was simple......when she talks to me, make her feel good, if she feels good after talking to me she is more incline to call if she feels depressed after talking to me she is more likely to not call.

I always felt that if I kept it light I would just be reinforcing her decision, the opposite has happened. I'm not saying it is working or she will get up tomorrow and want to come back but I do feel better abut myself and that counts for something.

[what next?]

That was exactly my thought process. Like right now... the only topic we really ever discuss is things dealing with the divorce (splitting bills, assets etc) so it's SO hard to validate her during these conversations and not feel like I am conceding to the divorce. That has been a huge challenge for me but I feel like I have turned the corner. Once I accepted that the legal divorce is going to happen it was a lot easier.

[what next?]

Just saw her for the first time in two months. I went to pick up my mail... she had it all ready for me so I didn't go in. I just said "thanks... call me if you Ned anything" (so that we can stop communicating through email lol) I started to walk away and she said "so are you Ginger back to Houston soon?" I said "yeah, hopefully Friday but I'm not sure yet... ill let you know."

Of course the cynic in me thinks she is just trying to plan the divorce but I think she was just frying to engauge me a little and is genuinely curious about my plans.

I'm going to work on making most communication over the phone now.

Thoughts?

[2stepboogie]

All communication should be light and pleasant. That much I know but I will think about it before I answer cause in my current state of mind I don't want to do any damage. Having a rough night

[what next?]

Yeah... I swear... she is supposed to be the one on the roller coaster but I feel like I am lol. At least I know that her calmness is a front! (At least I hope)

[what next?]

I just want to open up the communication. I think she will be super guarded with talking about anything because she has been worried for a long time about sending "mixed signals" Nothing I can do to speed up the process, I realize that. But I'm just afraid that I won't get the opportunity.

[what next?]

Its going to snow this week and I was thinking about offering to take her to work if the roads get bad. Will this look like I'm not letting her take care of herself or would it be a nice gesture?

[what next?]

She posted this on fb tonight...

I just learned from a new friend that the secret to getting away for a weekend is not to plan it. I'm going to figure out skype (send me your user id) and it will come before we know it! Miss you, been too long!

......

of course that has my head spinning lol (she was talking to a girl from college)

I really need to figure out how to reengage her. I'm feeling more hopeless by the day.

[Bolt]

WN - just don't make the mistake of pursuing her though. It sounds like you're doing the right thing when it comes to light communication. Let HER dictate the conversation.

It's weird how this works but if you let her lead, she probably will.

It may go like this. She asks a question and you give a short answer. She may then ask another question about something totally unrelated. Definitely answer it but don't try to keep the "conversation" going. She'll probably want to talk more.

That's a good sign. EVEN if it's just for a few seconds more.

BUT let her take the trip. LET her do her thing. If you interfere, it will become the self-fulfilling prophecy. You will push her away and it will become even more difficult.

I know this because I didn't interfere when my W did the same thing. I detached (as much as I could without making her feel I disappeared) and let her do her thing.

It worked because she is on her way back to me emotionally. ALSO, I asked her what would have happened if I did interfere? She said, without question, she would have gone for the D.

So, listen to that and let her do it. She may find out that the time away from you is good for her BUT she may also miss something about you as well.

Be patient and BE STRONG!!! A few months of pain will be worth the years of pleasure and bliss, right? Think of it that way.

[what next?]

Yeah, I'm not worried about the trip... it was the "a new friend" line that hit me in the gut. Even if it is a female it was just a part of her life moving forward without me and that hurts... plus I'm paranoid that it is a guy but I doubt that she would have put that on FB lol.

What about asking her if she would like me to help her get to work if the roads are bad?