LL, How long have you been noticeing this laundry issue. SOme men emit in their sleep. My H did from time to time. I took it very personally for some reason. I can't remember if he started doing before or after the A. What is H acting like? Can you see similarities from the previous A? Is there a chance your projecting? I only ask because of that I am the queen. DO you plan on confronting at some point? Rachael
Well...let me propose an alternate explanation to you...didn't you say that h had been using the computer to look at some stuff? I'm guessing the computer is pretty far away from the shower.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
h looks at football and weather on the puter sage...somehow I don't think that is "entertaining"
who knows why it's there...who really cares....
of course I do...but do I?
If I were to find out that h is still or once again involved with ow..would it be the end of my world? would I crash? NOPE! it would be the begining! maybe that's what I'm looking for?
Reality is reality. To be honest, no one has ever asked me if I like being divorced. I miss my kids, but I see them very often. But I don't miss the me that was when I was married. And I feel good about life in general. I like me more now than when I was mmaried.
As for a more compatibel R, I am assuming that you would not have a R with someone more compatible until your situation is resolved. In which case, the new R would be either with your H or without him. Perhaps you need to think in term of LL's life and not a relationship. Can you live on your own if it came to that?
Life is not perfect. You are miserable. If you weren't, you couldn't be saying the things you are saying. It goes way beyond venting.
And if you are going to make a go of your marriage, you are going to have to confront the issues.
Quote: h looks at football and weather on the puter sage...somehow I don't think that is "entertaining"
Maybe I'm confusing your thread with someone elses but I thought you had confronted h about a link or two in the "history" that was related to nekkid women.
I'm not trying to stir the pot here...I'm just trying to suggest another alternative ... that perhaps h is using visual aids to give himself a hand and that those aids would not mix with water well...
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
yes I did find sucha pair during his a...that was the first and (prior to these) last time I saw anything like it that wasn't related to me. Honestly right about now you could say I'm the queen of "act as if".
IMP,
yup, I certainly could live alone..I did live without h for over six months and to be honest other than the fact that I was free to leave when he got here...life was easier on the nights he didn't visit the kids.
as far as living alone alone? well alot of the time once the kids are in bed...I kinda feel like I'm here alone anyway...for one the house would be neater..there'd be less laundry...I could turn up the radio...do what I want..I think my friends would be more willing to come visit if h weren't here (they did come more during the sep than they do now).
Sage,
that incident was h deleteing emails that go to our original account (neither of us use it so the spam and what not piles up, I've since set it to not accept incomming mail) things pop up...he did not delve into any of the sites...and it hasn't happend since...I am the only one round here who clears the history...his history is always nothing but news, weather and football (and not even the cheerleader section)
let's just for a second believe that your theory is correct (wich I don't believe it is) I am home most every night while he falls asleep on the couch. Why go to the puter in the middle of the night? avoiding being intimate with the w? she doesn't mind a quickie and you know it?
Good answer. But you do know that at some point, you have to deal with everything head on, one way or the other and at the same time be willing to let the chips fall where they may. Inaction only put off the inevitable whatever that may be.
I'm not sure but it sounds ALMOST like you are looking for an "out." Like having the decision made for you by finding out he's cheating again. What WOULD you do if you found out he was? Would that be a deciding factor for you? Rachael
Quote: I'm not sure but it sounds ALMOST like you are looking for an "out." Like having the decision made for you by finding out he's cheating again. What WOULD you do if you found out he was? Would that be a deciding factor for you? Rachael
Yes racheal that would be the deciding factor...no if and or buts about it...see you on my way out the door when you come to visit the kids and don't forget to put the check in the mail.
but of course h already knows this as I told him when he came home that there would be no third chance...no explanations given if it were to occur again with her or any other woman good bye would be all I'd have to say.
oh and I sincerely mean that.
am I looking for an out?
don't think I really need to find an out...if I were to decide that this is just too dificult and I can't get over what he did...well then that'd be my out.
Good answer. But you do know that at some point, you have to deal with everything head on, one way or the other and at the same time be willing to let the chips fall where they may. Inaction only put off the inevitable whatever that may be.
IMP
PS - you going to dotto's
IMP
you like to pick on me don't you imp!?
no I wont be making it to dottos...been out two nights this week already and I am going out tonight as well (tues/thurs class and tonight kareoke with mom and a friend) sunday I am supposed to go to the game with h so I think I should stay home and get some rest sat night.
now back to the "stuff",
I think you're getting the wrong message from me here. I do not define who I am by who I am with friends or otherwise. I do not need a relationship just want one. I don't particularly fear meeting someone else...my fear is that while living my life and making myself happy there is the possibility (that since h doesn't really participate in much with me) that someone might catch my eye, or mind, or heart...then what??
IMP you are one of the very few people from this bb who have met me in person...do I really strike you as someone who needs anyone? or who stays in r out of some fear that I'd have to be alone if I didn't want to?
The only decisions I am capable of making to improve my life at this point in time are limited 1. because of the little ones.. 2. because I see no reason to make a decision to stay or go from this m just becuase I'm not happy every freakin day. who is happy with their m every day?
