Not sure anything that we can say will help right now, but just know that there is a TON of support here for you. Your pain is our pain, amigo. This is just one shot fired in the battle. The battle is not over until YOU fire the last shot.
B.I.T.S.
M42 W38 D5D7 M8 Living as 'roomates' since 9-12-10 Moved out 1-7-11 FIL threatened to kill me 1-20-11
Thanks for the support everyone. Been feeling like crap today. Wish I didn't have to go home, but D17 is in a school play tonight at 7:00 PM Got an appt with atty Monday afternoon
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
(((hugs))) too. I am sooo sorry. Praying for you right now....praying for you to have the strength, to be guided on what to say and do.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I probably will not have anything to post until after my meeting with atty on Monday.
I'll be spending my weekend gathering disclosure info and preparing for the atty.
Have a great weekend everybody.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Yesterday after work I was taking a cat nap on the bed. W strolls in and shuts the door, fuming. Said D17 overheard our fight the night of 1/24.
W says D17 is worried about selling the house and having to move. I gave the mantra, "These are the consequences of your choices". Then she starts venomously accusing me of trying to hurt her but I am only going to hurt the kids. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I did let her know I couldn't live with her in a R with an OM. If spliting up involves selling the house, that's it. So she says I could re-finance and afford to keep it. Mind you, the papers are full of legaleze, and I don't know how much of a buy out she wants. So I stood my ground, but it appears W is resigned to the possibility she'll have to move out, 'cause I wont, let have her cake. Then she gets into how the kids will prefer to be with her, and she does all their stuff, kind of fishing for me to give up the house. That ended in a stalemate.
Alright, this morning she comes out and starts again with the venom. (The other night 1/24 in my anger I called her a piece of crap, she has a problem with that.) She doesnt like my playing "Evil Woman" by ELO. I said I was being passive agressive. I said I didn't have a dictionary handy, "What do you call someone who pursues a R with an OP while still married?" "What's the word for that.?" Oh man, we're getting into war of the roses stuff.
Again she has a problem with selling the house, making the kids choose, making the kids have to move blah blah. Finally the agrument gets to the OM. She insists her decision to D has nothing to do with him. I say, "where is your intuition? It was always about him for me." She says the D is about our "lack of a marriage." I said I accept responsibility for 50% of that, but none of responsibility for the EA.
Then I screwed up. I said you lied when you said wouldn't be going to see him all the time, you're planning another trip in Feb. She put's 2&2 together and say's I've been in her email, "that's illegal". I said yes, "LBS's snoop, that's what we do." She's already taking me to court anyway right? I told her, "if you don't get an annulment, I'll always be your H and you'll always be cheating on me." Then she drops this one, "It's only cheeting if it's behind your back." Huh? Then she doesn't want to listen anymore, and walks off in a huff.
Some moments later she's back. I cut her off and called OM a predator, I asked. "How did he find you, he didn't know your married last name?" She walks off again. She's got revising history and justifying down to a science, but I think her fantasy is beginning to crumble.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Pickle you are not going to get anywhere using logic on her.
That is why our advice has been to detach and not get dragged into these discussions.
They go NOWHERE but to Bitterville.
Stand your ground on what is fair in the D. If she wants one she will get one.
You can't stop that.
I am going to give you some words I picked up along the way:
Quote:
W, I've told you before that I still love you and still think that we can have a great life together as both a couple and a family. I've not changed my mind on that. But I understand you are not happy, that you do not feel happy or complete inside.
You need to do what will make you happy. By my side, we live as partners, we share everything and we would do anything to help one another. But that's only if we continue as a team.
I won't stand in your way. But I also will not help you leave this marriage or this family. And I will never accept another person being a part of our life together.
I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. Go do what you need to do. You know where I will be.
Then leave her alone.
It is not the natural thing to do but it is the healthiest.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Pickle you are not going to get anywhere using logic on her.
That is why our advice has been to detach and not get dragged into these discussions.
They go NOWHERE but to Bitterville.
Stand your ground on what is fair in the D. If she wants one she will get one.
You can't stop that.
I am going to give you some words I picked up along the way:
Quote:
W, I've told you before that I still love you and still think that we can have a great life together as both a couple and a family. I've not changed my mind on that. But I understand you are not happy, that you do not feel happy or complete inside.
You need to do what will make you happy. By my side, we live as partners, we share everything and we would do anything to help one another. But that's only if we continue as a team.
I won't stand in your way. But I also will not help you leave this marriage or this family. And I will never accept another person being a part of our life together.
I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. Go do what you need to do. You know where I will be.
Then leave her alone.
It is not the natural thing to do but it is the healthiest.
