I am VERY glad that the D date is not your birthday. I have been following your thread and your posts to others. You have much insight and are very generous in sharing your insights with others. Thank you for your contributions to this board.
Originally Posted By: AntoniaB
Every time I see him we get along fine. Then I cry for days. Then I have to fight the backslide for days. It feels to me like self-punishment if I see him,........
In my RL job I spend a lot of time counseling patients about the impact of stress on their body's physiology. This ^^^^^^^ is your body telling you that you have a lot more healing to do. There is no shortcut to real healing. When you choose not to have H in your life because he is not the kind of person you want to have in your life, rather than because you don't want to grieve after having contact with him.....then you will have reached a place of peace with the outcome of your R with H/XH. Our brains don't change their synaptic connections and neurochemistry overnight. 20 years is a long time and I'm sure you have lots of wonderful memories from those years. Healing gives you the opportunity to put those wonderful memories in a place where you can remember them with happiness in the future.
My hope for you is that having the D final will allow you to move further forward on your journey of healing.
