Me - 37, no kids, 2nd marriage H - 43, 2 kids (SS 15, SS 15), 3rd marriage T - 4 years M - 2 years Bomb #1 - 12/10 Bomb #2 - 1/11
Recap:
Whirlwind romance and then we got married. It immediately went downhill from there. We didn't live together before M, I was between job contracts, he was unemployed and lost it all during the mortgage crisis. Lots and lots of stress... not the best time to get married. We moved, twice, he's on his 3rd job in 2 years, the teenagers have hit the difficult stage. It's been hard and we didn't cope well together at all. We both have big mouths, he has a huge ego, I have insecurity issues, our disagreements would go from small to huge easily.
In December we had a huge fight, he asked for a D. By Christmas we were getting along great, having fun, talking a lot, etc. I thought we were ok. New Year's Eve weekend was horrible. He went from sweet on Christmas to couldn't care less about me by New Year's. January - I found out that we were "separated" according to him, by the 3rd I found out he had been active on a dating site since early December. I confronted him, he said that he wasn't active, hadn't even talked to anyone on there, just signed up out of anger. Within days I found out he was active - VERY active. I e-mailed all the MANY women he was e-mailing and told them he was married. Again, he asked for a D. He never met any of them in person or talked to them on the phone even (per their responses to me), but I was devastated. He said such nice things to them, completely strangers, that he hasn't said to me in a long time. He was adamant about the D, making plans to move, insurance changes, he wanted to move on with his life, he wasn't happy with me, considered himself single, etc.
I started DB after a few days. I cried, I prayed, I was a mess the first week I DB'd and did a lot of stuff wrong but I didn't yell and I kept my temper in check. I also read "Love and Respect" and "The Love Dare". I did a bunch of 180's, I worked on everything he had complained about, and I GAL. I've had my days of being so mad at him and hurt that I don't think I can ever forgive him or trust him again. My XH left me for an OW so I've been reliving a lot of that drama and it's been hard, even though the situations are not the same. I'm biting my tongue a lot but it's getting easier with each day. I have panic attacks and have lost quite a bit a weight the past month.
It's been a looooooong month but now, he's wearing his ring again, he's kind to me, we're talking, ML, laughing again, he's said he loves me and only me and doesn't want a D. We're definitely not separated anymore, he says he working on things too and I can see he's really trying. Last night at dinner I caught him looking at me and smiling... like he actually likes me. A look I haven't seen in a while.
We're piecing I guess but it's only been a few weeks since I found out about the dating site stuff so I hesitate to say "piecing". After the false security I felt in December, I don't trust myself to safely say "piecing". But I'm trying. I'm still DB'ing, still praying a lot, still scared the death the sky is going to fall again. Hoping time will take away the insecurity. Focusing on all the good stuff. I have the man I fell in love with back... I haven't seen him in 2 years.
New thread title.... didn't have a clue what to put. Was afraid to give it a positive title as I didn't want to jinx things. So I guess "Not Counting Chickens Yet" is as good a title as any.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
