I have taken some time to read your thread, I hadn't seen it before, but I see a great similarity between your emotional state and actions and myself.
Here is something that I am learning the hard way and it doesn't seem like you have learned yet. You CAN'T control what she does or how she does it. Attempting to do so will only cause pain and confusion. YOU must detach and live for yourself right now. Easier said than done. I struggle also. You contradict yourself all the time. "I should send this email or this text but If I do this will happen or she will react this way" Stop that. Stop making decisions based on what you believe the outcome will be.
I read story about a very successful business men who had fallen on hard times. The guy always had a positive outlook on things no matter how bad things were. Things had gotten so bad that at one point they came to his house to collect his furnisher for lack of payment. His neighbor approached him and ask how he was doing. The business replied with a big smile "isn't this great. Now I don't have to make those payments anymore. God is good" You get my point?
You should adopt that attitude. She didn't call. Oh well! If you make changes in hopes that she will see them you are fooling yourself but you are not fooling her. Make changes because you have looked in the mirror and you believe you need to make them. This is real change.
If she makes a comment like she did on twitter smile and go about your business, trying to figure them out is really pointless. You have to battle your own demons and they will test you and you will hurt but you will come out the other side better. Allow her to deal with her demons and she will become better. In the mean time remember the chess game you are in. Always smile and try and stay happy.
I have decided that if my W follows through with the D I will smile all the way to the court house and beyond even if I crumble later. I want her to think "I am really leaving a great guy" If I argue with her or pressure her she will only convince herself even more that she is making the right decision.
The more you pressure the worse she feels because she can't feel love for you right now all you are doing is reminding her of why she left.
I am my worst enemy in this but I am trying. If you read my thread you will see my moods go from one end to the other sometimes in the same day. Also like you I would talk to W and feel great for a day maybe two but then after no contact I would feel depressed and angry all over again. I've learned to let that go a little. IF she call great! If she doesn't.....well I got you guys.
Stay strong and stay focused. All you can control is yourself start with that.
