Lighthouse lit until WAW comes out of fog 2

[SDFoundGirl]

First, good for you for doing more things with your kids. That was a needed change, and I guarantee your wife is noticing. Yes, she might think it's "just because" of the bomb (the kids and dropping the hobbies)...my H thought the same thing. What's going to get her attention is your steadfast commitment to those changes.

In short, your ACTIONS, not your WORDS, are what get her attention.

What interests do you have? What have you always wanted to do, but haven't? During my sitch, I started going to Meetup.com groups for movie watching, photography, hiking, travel, sushi, and a whole bunch of other things. That was a HUGE 180 for me, as I've struggled with social anxiety for most of my life. It was something my H didn't understand at all, so doing these things got his attention too. I also started exercising, walking probably 3-5 miles/day and going to yoga. The exercise was HUGELY important--activity helps work out all of those nerves and anxiety.

So, I know you're 50-miles away from anything. What would be the problem with going that 50-miles once every week or two weeks to engage in an activity you'd like to try? If you're worried about your W resenting being home with the kids, you could offer to stay home with them so she could do the same.

"W, I want to do XYZ every couple of weeks, so I'd appreciate it if you could watch the kids on those days. If you'd like to make plans out of the house any day, just let me know and I'll be happy to stay with the kids so you can go out too."

That's IT. No explanations, nothing. Just a friendly, fair offer to share the workload.

Do you have friends where you live? Start spending some time with them. No need for the bar; go shoot hoops, watch a game, play cards. Having company is important. My H dropped the bomb after we moved to a new city, so I had NO ONE at first. Remember that I also had social anxiety, so it was a double blow...truly about the cruelest thing I think H could have done.

But...I sucked it up, went to Meetup groups, and made friends I still have today. It was such a relief to be around someone who didn't look at me like I was the junk on the bottom of their shoe.

There are also lots of other hobbies you could take on at home. Writing, art (don't worry about being good on either of those...just do it, because the act of creation is soooo fun and healthy!), photography, puzzles...what are your interests???

It's essential to discover what you want to do with your free time. It's not healthy to have everything wrapped up in your spouse. Even now, my H have things we do together and things we enjoy that we do apart. It gives us a lot to talk about when we reconnect after doing those things. I relied too heavily on my H for my fun and happiness...and in the end, it was poison to me and our M.

Hope that helps,

SD